Why do I hate the word ‘queer’?

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  • #2143

    Jay
    Member

    As a gay man, I have found that I absolutely despise the word ‘queer.’ A straight person calling a gay person ‘queer’ would be deemed offensive and homophobic, but gay people refer to themselves and other gays as ‘queer’ all the time. Just like a white person can’t call a black person the N-word, but blacks call themselves that all the time. Do any other gay people have a problem with this word?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jay, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 24, City : Asheville, State : NC Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 
    #30075

    Thom
    Participant

    Yes, I find it a hateful word, a word meant to harm, even destroy. I understand the prophylatic use of the word, in a sense trying to steal the word from the bigots and drain the word of its violent content. Nonetheless, for me, using the word is buying into the hatred, a kind of self-loathing, an internalized homophobia.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Thom, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #32162

    Thom24760
    Participant

    Yes, I find it a hateful word, a word meant to harm, even destroy. I understand the prophylatic use of the word, in a sense trying to steal the word from the bigots and drain the word of its violent content. Nonetheless, for me using the word is buying into the hatred, a kind of self-loathing, an internalized homophobia.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Thom24760, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #40014

    I didn’t like it either, at first, but it has grown on me. Basically, I get tired of always having to say Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered community – queer seems to cover it all with one simple word. Queer never seemed to carry as much impact as ‘fag’ and ‘homo’ to me, but it is all related to what you have been most hounded by in your past. I grew up in El Paso, Texas, and was used to the term ‘Mexican.’ Now, 20 years later in Dallas, I hear ‘Latino,’ ‘Hispanic,’ ‘Spanish’ and sometimes ‘Mexican.’ Kind of the same thing. Don’t let a word carry too much power – look more at the person using it.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark Bentley, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #44649

    Jeff
    Member

    I’ve gotten use to the term. When it bothers me is when it’s used as a slang term for other things. I hear it used to describe a bad movie, TV show, etc. I find that offensive. Using the term in this way implies that the speaker also views homosexuals as bad.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jeff, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 40, City : Columbus, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : Library Technician, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #15239

    Thom24759
    Participant

    I find it a hateful word, meant to harm, even destroy. I understand the prophylatic use of the word, in a sense trying to steal the word from the bigots and drain the word of its violent content. Nonetheless, for me, using the word is buying into the hatred, a kind of self-loathing, an internalized homophobia.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Thom24759, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #47093

    Craig31887
    Participant

    A word is a word; whether it’s a positive or a negative thing depends on the mindset of the person *using* it. Where I happened to grow up, ‘queer’ was never the derogation of choice for a gay person. It simply wasn’t a word I was ever really exposed to until I was around a group of friends who used it as a positive, affirming word. So it carries no sting for me, even though I’m aware of the word’s history. On the other hand, I have a much harder time embracing terms like ‘faggot’ and ‘cocksucker’.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Craig31887, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 29, City : Toronto, State : NA Country : Canada, Education level : 4 Years of College, 
    #28947

    Lauren
    Member

    The word ‘Queer’ emerged as a code-word within the GLBT community sometime during the pre-Stonewall era. It was subsequently adopted by heterosexuals as a deragotory term but has recently been reclaimed by us young Queers as a word of pride and empowerment. I like the word because it is much more inclusive than any of the other terms and allows me to express my love for women without having to identify specifically as either ‘lesbian’ or ‘bi’ (I have yet to figure out which of these I am). I generally think this is the most inclusive and appropriate word to describe our very diverse community.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Lauren, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Queer, Race : Biracial White&Black, Religion : Independent, Age : 17, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #40775

    Mark
    Member

    At first I didn’t like it, but it has never really offended me. But like someone else said, it covers gay males, lesbians, bisexuals and the transgendered, or anyone else with statistically unusual gender/sexuality issues. I use it to describe myself unhesitatingly and I don’t consider it to be a negative term whatsoever. Even if you take queer to mean unusual, it’s technically accurate. We’re in the vast minority. Big deal. Only a fool would suggest that someone in a majority, be it a racial, orientation, gender or even ideological majority is automatically ‘right’ or preferable. But I do take it as a slur when it’s obviously meant to be one. It’d be silly to suggest that one should be offended by a member of PFLAG saying ‘We need to do all we can to prevent the harrasment of queer youth in our schools.’ Just as it would be silly to suggest that one shouldn’t be offended by someone complaining about a bunch of ‘dirty queers.’

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 18, City : Laredo, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
    #30949

    Kerry
    Member

    I use queer because otherwise I have to use ‘married lesbian’ and that just gives people the willies.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Kerry, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 29, City : Ventura, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #25205

    maggs
    Member

    i am a married woman but i have strong feeling for a woman who work with me she is very jeasoul of me when ever iam talking with another woman she all ways touches my tits when ever i go at her home she flashes her breast and her private to me she call me in her bath when ever she is bathing is she sending me a singal she is older than me but i will love her to make love to me she say that if she was a man she would like me o boy she is very protecting of me ok she calls me into the bathroom when evsr she goes even at work she tell me that she loves me but iam still afarid because she is my boss ok i dream about me and her in bed

    User Detail :  

    Name : maggs, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, Age : 36, City : brookly, State : NV Country : United States, Occupation : mangerof a hotel, Education level : 2 Years of College, 
    #44863

    Hero21314
    Participant

    Personally, I don’t go by any percieved meanings of a word, more whether I like the sound of it or not. ‘Queer’ could = ‘different from the norm’ as it is a fact that there is a larger number of straight people than there is of gay people(at least, I THINK there is…). I like the word gay, but I don’t like ‘lesbian’ – not for any real reason except I don’t like the sound. I can’t stand the word ‘fag’. But as people have already said I guess it depends on who’s using it and whether they mean it to hurt or not.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Hero21314, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : edging towards gay, Religion : Atheist, Age : 16, City : Aberdeen, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, 
    #27183

    Vance
    Member

    When I came out, I was particularly sensitive to the word ‘queer’ because it was the term my father used before he knew I was gay. However, this makes me appreciate our claiming this word for our community even more. Beyond that, I don’t think I’d consider any phrase offensive. I’m a fag, I’m queer … why would I consider it offensive to be called such? However, even ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual’ can be used hatefully. I don’t care what the pickup full of rednecks chasing after me is yelling, I’m getting the hell out of there. Regarding ‘nigger,’ I think it’s understandably awkward and difficult not to construe hostility for someone who is not a member of the black culture to use the word.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Vance, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 35, City : San Francisco, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #21802

    JesseSparkles
    Participant

    I think “gay” is a very confining word that has connotations of referring to a very specific kind of relationship, usually cis-gendered men attracted to cis men. Queer is the easiest way to describe myself without pulling out a lot of words like pansexual or gender-non-conforming that most people dont know. Queer is inclusive. Ive definitely heard it being used in a derogatory way but overwhelmingly I her it in a positive prideful context.

    User Detail :  

    Name : JesseSparkles, Sexual Orientation : Queer, Disability : GenderQueer, Race : American Indian, Religion : Native American, Age : 22, City : toledo, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Lower class, 
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