What’s it like to be a lesbian?

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  • #10838

    Alexandra
    Member

    To lesbians: What makes you want to be with another woman? How does it feel when you realize you are a lesbian? Do you feel comfortable telling other people? What do you look for when you try and find a woman?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Alexandra, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Christian, Age : 20, City : Miami, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #24458

    Deb25768
    Participant

    You ask some very hard questions. I don’t know what makes me want to be with another woman. I just know it is right for me. When you first realize you are gay, it can be a very scary thing, but at the same time it is very liberating because you can stop living a lie. Whether you come out to other people or just to yourself, it is as if a weight is removed. I don’t generally tell people, they pretty well guess, but in any case, no one’s sleeping arrangements are anyone else’s business. I don’t see where it matters. I don’t personally look for other women, as I have been in a relationship for 15 years. Someone else will have to answer that one for you.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Deb25768, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 49, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
    #25155

    Tina M.
    Member

    Do you know how passionate and loving and intense and emotional a woman can be? It is just those things that make it so wonderful to be with another woman. However, it is just those same things that make it so difficult for two women to be together, too. Still, the good so outweighs the bad; at least for me it does. As far as how if feels when you realize you are a lesbian, it is kind of like a breath of air that you have been struggling to get for a long time and then you finally get it – the relief you feel. That sense of knowing where you belong and who you are is really hard to explain.

    I don’t have a problem with who I am or letting other people know I’m a lesbian; however, I do not feel that I need to flaunt it around other people. I agree that heterosexuals don’t feel like their sexuality defines them, and it should not be a defining characteristic of gays and lesbians – it is not one of mine. I don’t walk up to people and say, ‘Hi I am Tina and I am a lesbian’ – if they ask me, I tell them.

    I don’t look for anything in a woman, really. I don’t go out and ‘try to find a woman.’ To me, it is not about ‘looking’ for something or someone, it is about making a connection between two souls. When you feel it, you know, just like in a straight relationship.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Tina M., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 32, City : Tulsa, State : OK Country : United States, Occupation : Business Owner, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #22906

    Ann
    Member

    What makes me want to be with another woman? I want to be with a woman when I realize she is intelligent, well-read, broadminded and interesting, and that she’s also gay. If she is all of these, then I may find myself wanting to flirt with her. If I want to flirt with her, I often want to kiss her, and know what she looks like when she’s having sex.

    How does it feel when you realize you are a lesbian? Like watching black and white TV all my life and then having the color turned on. Recognizable, but much more enjoyable.

    Do I feel comfortable telling other people? Yes. I tell people I am gay very regularly.

    What do I look for when I try and find a woman? See first question, above. I have almost never tried, though. Meeting women has always been very easy for me. It just happens.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ann, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 38, City : Tallahassee, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Consultant, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #45822

    Alanda-B
    Participant

    What makes a woman attractive to another is no different than what makes a straight person want to be with a man or woman. Also, I don’t think that one day you just realize you are gay or a lesbian. For me, coming out was the hardest thing to do, because I knew it would be really hard not only for society to accept, but also for my family. But then I realized it wasn’t for anybody else to accept but me. To this day, I still don’t expect anyone to accept me or my sexuality, but I do expect them to respect me for what and who I am.

    Being with a woman was a wonderful experience for me, and I hope it always will be. I guess what I have a hard time with is the fact that lesbians and gays can and do have serious relationships and do love each other, just as straight people do. We also get hurt and dogged out. Just because you are a lesbian and can relate and understand what another woman goes through doesn’t mean that they don’t take advantage of that. I would not be happy being anything else because this is who I am. As for what I look for, I look for what any person would: I want someone who treats me right, respects me, can communicate with me, trust me and tries to understand, listens and is there for me when I really need them.

    I had a problem telling people at first because I hadn’t yet accepted myself and was scared of how people would react, and that I would be mistreated. Now I don’t care and don’t have a problem telling anybody.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Alanda-B, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, Age : 32, City : Milwaukee, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : Health Access Assistant, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #30251

    J.R.
    Member

    What makes me want to be with another woman is beyond my control (and comprehension), but it’s really no different from whatever it is that makes a straight woman want to be with a man. I can tell you, however, that it’s always been clear to me that it’s primarily an emotional orientation – sexual attraction is secondary. I love women for their unique blend of gentleness and strength, the depth of their love, the fire of their passion… What I look for is a sharp mind and fantastic sense of humor, in a woman who isn’t afraid to be who she is. As much as I love a pretty face, looks really aren’t that important. Looks can — and do — fade, so I’m much more concerned with substance.

    As for how it feels when you realize you’re a lesbian, well, I always knew I was different, and finally learned there were other gay people in the world by reading a book when I was 10. It was scary then, because I was so young, and I didn’t have any role models for being a lesbian, and because what I read painted a pretty bleak picture of gay people at the time. When I finally told another person I was gay, I was 15, and I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I’m 40 now and wouldn’t go back in the closet for the world. Pretending to be something you’re not just to please other people just plain feels bad and does a pretty nasty number on your self-esteem. I’m very comfortable being out. Everyone in my life, from family to co-workers, knows. I don’t make an issue of it because it’s just who I am. And I learned a long time ago that if you treat being gay just like any other fact about your life, most people are totally cool with it. Those who freak out (and that seldom happens) are the ones with the problem, not me.

    User Detail :  

    Name : J.R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 40, City : Los Altos, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Web developer-turned-artist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #47741

    Whitney-J24443
    Participant

    It feels the same way it feels for a heterosexual. I do not deny my sexuality. I believe denial is the way to more sexism.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Whitney-J24443, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, City : Glendale, State : CA Country : United States, 
    #14745

    Orlando
    Participant

    The poster should ask herself what makes her straight. What makes her want to be with men? How did it feel when she realized she was straight? Does she feel comfortable telling other people about her straightness? What does she look for in trying to find a man? In fact, let’s broaden it a bit: why do some people like blondes, some brunettes and how did they come to this decision? The simple answer to all of these and the questions Alexandra posed is, ‘I just do’.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Orlando, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Scots-Irish, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 31, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #23185

    Allison31439
    Participant

    What does it feel like to be what you are? It feels normal.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Allison31439, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 37, City : Orange County, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Computer stuff, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #28971

    Claire
    Member

    whats it like to be straight?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Claire, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 16, City : sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
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