What Sexual Orientation Am I?

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  • #10688

    Sandra-L28300
    Participant

    I am not gay or bisexual; I have been attracted to men, but not sexually attracted to them. What does that make me? I never dated. I am a thirty-something virgin. Am I nonsexual or asexual?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Sandra-L28300, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 
    #17677

    Littlebird
    Participant

    It took me a while, too, to get ‘used’ to men and become physically attracted to them. I have a naturally intermittent sex drive – either all-on or all-off – and it took a while for me to overcome feelings of hesitancy and fear when getting around boys. You may not have the same situation, but my gut feeling is that you need to not analyze yourself too closely. Unless there’s outside pressure (and who cares about ‘them’ – this is YOUR life) there’s no big deal about deciding what you are and getting all wrapped up in a label. Take some time to see what you respond to, instead of what you don’t respond to: what do you like about men? Their strength? Their smell? Their voices? And women? Or perhaps neither for now. Plenty of people go through periods of time during which they’re not particularly attracted to either sex. That’s groovy, too. In short, don’t sweat it. The answer, if you will forgive the pun, will come.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Littlebird, Gender : F, Age : 30, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, 
    #17718

    You say you have been ‘attracted to men, but not sexually attracted to them.’ In what way, then, have you been attracted? And do you have any type of sexual feelings at all? If so, what arouses you? Do you masturbate? If so, what do you think about, fantasize about or visualize when you masturbate? These may or may not be things you have thought about in the past as you’ve asked yourself this question, but you didn’t say anything about these issues in your question. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you’re asexual; it just means you’re not sexually active with another person.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Electric_Honey, Gender : F, Age : 37, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Social Worker, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 
    #30504

    Count your blessings. You probably have a low sex drive, but so what? You missed a lot of dead-end relationships and venereal maladies. Look around at your friends and acquaintances. Are their lives a bowl of cherries? Your energies have probably been channeled elsewhere into more worthwhile and self-gratifying activites like family, work, creative endeavors, etc. My hormones went belly up 10 years ago, and I feel that I just may gaining control of my life for the first time. So quit worrying. You seem to be creating a problem where none exists.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Joyce L. B., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 60, City : Tustin, State : CA Country : United States, 
    #46757

    Esther
    Participant

    In elementary school or junior high, did you ever have a good friend ‘disinvite’ you to her first boy-girl party because she told you that you weren’t ‘ready’ to go to such a party? If so, that very wel might be the reason why you have trouble getting dates. It’s a self-esteem thing that I’m still trying to get over. I’m overall an attractive girl, but I’m really shy, and it’s hard for me to talk to men, so you’re not alone. Good luck to you, though

    User Detail :  

    Name : Esther, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Age : 21, City : Toronto, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #25495

    Sandra-L28299
    Participant

    Maybe I have a very low sex drive. I have no desire to have sex with anyone. Thanks for the input.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Sandra-L28299, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, 
    #35144

    Ian
    Member

    Maybe you have not yet discovered what turns you on. It may seem unlikely for a 30-year-old, but I never really felt sexual desire until the age of 28. If I am right, it likely has something to do with your very young childhood that you are missing. Oh, and Joyce has a point – sexuality can seem more trouble than it’s worth.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ian, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Durham, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 
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