Slept with boyfriend’s best friend

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  • #7403

    Darby27264
    Participant

    Last spring I met a cute guy at school, and we dated a few times. Nothing sexual and nothing serious. At summer break, he said he’d call me in the fall, then left the state for a summer job. While he was gone (we both agreed to date others), I dated a guy in the same dorm we all share. Guy #2 and I were very sexual all summer, but he was not my type for a long-term relationship. We parted amicably. Now Guy #1 is back, and we are a couple. He’s terrific, and this could get serious. The problem: I learned that Guy #1 knew Guy #2, and they’ve become good friends and are fast becoming best friends. My guy knows nothing about my fling, and my “fling” and I have agreed not to say anything, but I’m getting nervous. Should I tell my guy what happened and say it was ‘nothing,’ or keep my mouth shut and hope he never finds out? Please help.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Darby27264, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : St. Augustine, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #14803

    Mark22081
    Participant

    Get ready, baby. The walls are getting ready to crash down. You reap what you sow.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark22081, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 25, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Law Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 
    #17764

    Gregory-H21579
    Participant

    Tell him. If he’s a reasonable person, he’ll probably be angry with you initially, but he’ll get over it and realize it really isn’t all that important. But if he finds out on his own, he will likely be highly pissed off that a) you did it, and b) you tried to hide it. But you don’t need to give all the details when/if you tell him; to say that during the summer you dated the other guy should suffice. If he wants to know more, tell him it was nothing serious and that it is, and has been, over.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Gregory-H21579, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : law student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 
    #24422

    SB
    Participant

    Say nothing, and hope he doesn’t find out. Chances are if he and Guy #2 are becoming friends, then Guy #2 wouldn’t want to hurt him any more than you do. Besides, if originally it was ‘nothing serious’ between you and #1, he couldn’t expect you to remain exclusive (he may have been seeing others as well). Let sleeping dogs lie.

    User Detail :  

    Name : SB, Gender : F, Age : 28, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 
    #28839

    Steve27864
    Participant

    From a male standpoint, there’s probably no right or wrong answer. Most guys really do NOT want to know which other stallions have been in the stall. However, I believe the context of a relationship is set very early on. We are all different people to different people. How people relate in the early days of dating sets the pattern for the full life of the relationship, and it is difficult to change later on. It is surprising how early this happens. If you do not reveal the affair with the friend, this pattern of not discussing ‘undiscussables’ will set the ‘rules’ for how you relate on most other things. If you do bring it up, a pattern of being honest will be set at the start. However, honesty can be overrated at times, especially in sexual history. If I were your new boyfriend, I would want to know. Oh, and by the way, the old ‘fling’ WILL tell the current ‘fling’ at some point, anyway. Count on it.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Steve27864, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 44, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Corporate Cubicle Neanderthal, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #33781

    Jerry-S30953
    Participant

    Unless you are dead-sure this will never come out – and I wouldn’t be under the circumstances – you’d be best off telling your boyfriend at an opportune time. It will be worst if he hears it from his buddy, and pretty bad if he hears it from you at an intimate moment. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jerry-S30953, Gender : M, City : New Britain, State : CT Country : United States, 
    #41078

    Alicia31386
    Participant

    I had a similar situation – only my Guy #1 was the anonymous summer fling and my Guy #2 was someone I wanted to date. Since Guy #1 and I agreed we’d never say anything about our summer tryst, I didn’t tell Guy #2. Turns out Guy #2 and Guy #1 were friends and Guy #1 told Guy #2 all about me (in vivid detail) before I even met Guy #2. In the end, Guy #2 was uncomfortable getting too serious with me because 1) I’d been his friend’s plaything – and he knew more about it than a woman would ever want someone else to know; and 2) I wasn’t forthcoming about it when it became clear the three of us were connected. What did I learn from all this? First, my summer fling with Guy #1 wasn’t worth it. I lost out on an opportunity to date a great guy for a meaningless sexual liaison with a blabbermouth. Next, honesty really is the best policy – had I been more open, maybe Guy #2 could have gotten over the mental picture he had of me coupled with his friend.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Alicia31386, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 32, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Attorney, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #46886

    Chelsea32299
    Participant

    Do not say anything. Some things are better left unsaid. It is not necessary to tell him because it will only hurt him. If he were presently your man, then it would be wise to tell him. However, he is not. Leave well enough alone. Plus, you may mess up their friendship.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Chelsea32299, Gender : F, City : Kansas City, State : MO Country : United States, 
    #36315

    Steven P.
    Member

    It wouldn’t matter to me at all. But admittedly, I may not be representative of men in general. Unfortunately, I think most guys would care. It probably depends on their level of jealousy/insecurity. If you mutually decided to see other people, then there really shouldn’t be a problem. That is in an ideal world. When it comes to sex, a lot of idealism gets thrown out for reasons that entirely escape me. How well do you know guy1? Is he the jealous type? If so, then you’re probably in trouble. Because I think you need to tell him. Remember what Benjamin Franklin said, ‘three may keep a secret if two are dead.’ Somewhere along the line, he will find out. I think if you want a real relationship to develop, you have to be honest. A relationship without honesty isn’t going to last anyway. good luck.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Steven P., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 50, City : Alamo, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Analyst, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #14541

    Ramon
    Member

    If you want to keep this guy, you better keep this secret – deep, deep down – as though it never happened.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ramon, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 24, City : Garland, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : computer technician, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #15283

    Mi
    Participant

    Girl, here it is: DON’T TELL HIM ANYTHING. If you and guy #2 already agreed to not mention anything, leave it alone. Most likely, if you and this guy are still ‘cool’ with each other (meaning still associates and definitely not messing around), and he and your guy #1 are becoming best friends, then most likely he won’t want to tell him about it anyway. What you have to do is stay on guy #2’s good side. Don’t be his best friend, but keep your relationship on good terms. Ever heard of the saying, ‘Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?’ Well, if this guy becomes your enemy in life, he’ll probably spill the beans. As long as you and guy #2 are on good, somewhat ‘cool friends’ terms, you will be A-OK. But just know that when you and guy #2 have a falling out, or if you and guy #1 ever break up, it’ll come out. You can control the relationship with guy #2, so don’t worry about that. And if you ever break up with guy #1, well, if it does come out, why should you care then, anyway? Trust me, what I say is true.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Korean and Black, Religion : Baptist, Age : 22, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #17166

    Trisha
    Member

    This is a sensitive issue and has to be handled correctly, which means honestly. If you and guy #1 agreed to see other people while he was away, then you really haven’t done anything wrong. Leaving this unsaid will become a big problem in the future because somehow it WILL come out and then guy #1 will not be able to forgive you because you’ve kept it from him for so long. He may already feel that way if you tell him now, but better late than never. Talk to guy #2 and tell him you want to tell guy #1 about what happened, and both of you tell him. Be prepared for him to react negatively, though, because now all he’s going to picture is his best friend and his girl in bed together, and that’s going to be hard for him to deal with. But if he’s as serious as you are about your relationship, he will get over it eventually.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Trisha, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 26, City : Toronto, Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : entrepreneur, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #30991

    Ronald-V29670
    Participant

    Face the music and own up. Otherwise, your boyfriend will find out eventually, and he’ll wonder what other information you might not be willing to divulge.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ronald-V29670, Gender : M, City : Edmonton, Alberta, State : NA Country : Canada, 
    #34834

    AJ O.
    Member

    Though some people wil say not to tell your guy so as not to hurt him, I have to say that it is really best to tell him. Be open and honest. You don’t have to give him ALL the dirty details, just tell him that you and his new best friend had a sexual relationship while he was gone but that it is over now and you are really beginning to feel serious about him. Naturally he will be a bit upset but he should be able to get over this because, as you mentioned, you had BOTH agreed to see other people, so quite honestly you did nothing wrong. Not telling him will drive a wedge between you that will only grow over time. Honesty could quite possibly make your relationship stronger.

    User Detail :  

    Name : AJ O., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : my own beliefs, Age : 19, City : San Antonio, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : unemployed, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #47479

    If it’s not broke, don’t try to fix it!

    User Detail :  

    Name : 1flahsistah, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Pentecostal, Age : 21, City : Philadelphia, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : student/elem. educ., Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
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