- January 2, 2000 at 12:00 am #10588
Whenever I review personals ads, I notice that most of the single white female (SWF or SWCF) posters specifically seek single white males (SWMs). In contrast, I do not notice this as often with white male posters or female posters from non-white backgrounds. This is not a perception – there is a quantifiable disparity. Do white women feel that non-white men are not good enough for them? Or is it a subconscious bias?
User Detail :Name : Original Poster, Gender : M, Race : Asian-American, Age : 26, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Law Clerk, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, January 2, 2000 at 12:00 am #42192
Maybe they are seeking white mates, and in turn having white children, so they can keep their culture and people alive. Is there something wrong with that?
User Detail :Name : Anonymous23699, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Chardon, State : OH Country : United States, January 3, 2000 at 12:00 am #46431
80 percent or more information on the Internet is posted and downloaded by males. I would reason that men will reduce the criteria in order to get a single response to that ad.
User Detail :Name : Christopher D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 24, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Customer Service, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class, January 4, 2000 at 12:00 am #26430
I don’t think it’s a perception that men of color are not good enough for white women. Except in certain parts of the country (such as California and Hawaii), social obstacles to inter-ethnic dating are greater for white women than for anyone else. They face greater social and family disapproval than white men if they choose to date men of other backgrounds. Besides, if a relationship goes sour, it is usually the woman who suffers the most, so that makes a woman more afraid to take a chance on a more ‘daring’ relationship, because the consequences for her are greater than those for the man.
User Detail :Name : Crystal, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 30's, City : Oakland, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Office Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, January 5, 2000 at 12:00 am #24074
You are trying to put words in my mouth,for one i have been involved in an inter-racial relationship and i have a good insight how things turn out,i just didnt see the forest from the trees,fooling around with mother nature and tinkering around with a peoples genepool is monsterous and on the order of genocide.i agree with you on one point it is racial cleansing on a massive scale.and every ethnic and racial group has a right to survive.
User Detail :Name : anonymous23702, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, City : CHARDON, State : OH Country : United States, January 5, 2000 at 12:00 am #26208
Kat, there is nothing wrong with you having preferences. I am simply challenging the basis of your preferences. What you are saying is that you ask for white males, not because of their race, but because they have the qualities which you ‘click with.’ But I still believe it is race. Ask: why would you think that non-white men do not have the very same qualities which white men have? And why do you think that you cannot ‘click’ with a non-white male? To test your thinking further, if media portrays white women as the pinnacle of beauty, while black women are not as represented, that might create a social preference among men for white women. In that case, if I said ‘I prefer white women as mates because I find them more attractive than black women, not simply because they’re white,’ does that make it ok? Your thinking begs the question, Kat, because you’re saying that you prefer white males because you believe that they have ‘qualities’ that are ‘superior’ to non-white males — that is either stereotyping, or just subtle racism, is it not? Racism is internalized; it affects your belief on what is socially ‘desirable’ or ‘undesirable.’ Your thinking is a reflection of this bias.
User Detail :Name : Original-Poster19972, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 27, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, January 5, 2000 at 12:00 am #30905
I’ve used personal ads before, a SWF seeking a real date with a SWM, simply because I wanted to meet someone I might ‘click with.’ Why is it considered awful or racist to have a dating preference? What can I note say I’m a SWF looking for a SWM? I happen to prefer darker hair to very fair-complected blondes … does that mean I hate everyone of Nordic descent? Nah, it just means I like darker hair. If I prefer taller men with broad shoulders, strong hands and narrow hips, am I some horrible ogre? Nah, I just like that look, folks … it’s a build that makes me feel protected by and defines the ideal male body for me. As hard as it might be for you to believe, I don’t think I’m better or worse than anyone, and I have never considered myself a broodmare, therefore breeding for purity of my color is absolute malarky. I am simply a single white woman who wants to meet, fall in love with and marry a single white male.
User Detail :Name : Kat26796, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 29, City : Birmingham, State : AL Country : United States, Occupation : Web development, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, January 5, 2000 at 12:00 am #34298
To the original poster: I think you are getting a little too defensive on this. I am white. I have dated outside my race/ethnicity. I would prefer to marry someone of my own race simply because I usually have more in common with them. There has been such a rebellion against same-race relationships that it seems if you choose one, you are automatically labeled a racist. I prefer men with dark hair. Does that make me a biggot? I prefer men with brown eyes. Am I prejudiced against the blue eyed? Hey as a matter of fact, maybe I’m just a chauvinist because I date men. I mean I should give equal opportunity to men and women, right? There is nothing wrong with having a preference! It becomes a problem when people try to impose there own preferences on everyone else. I would never tell my child which race or ethnicity to date or not date. It’s a personal choice, but IT IS A CHOICE. If you choose to date within your race that is your perogative, but it doesn’t make you a racist. Most people prefer to date their ‘own kind.’ Maybe they want someone who can cook the foods their mother made, maybe they want someone who shares the same religious values, whatever the reason, it isn’t a cause for anger. And to respond to a black and white couple having an ‘entirely black’ or ‘entirely white’ baby, that’s just wrong. You are made up of BOTH parents regardless which one you may resemble more or identify with more. To deny either side is simply self-hatred.
User Detail :Name : Danielle Koukos, Gender : F, Race : X, Age : 24, City : Lakehurst, State : NJ Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Analyst, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, January 5, 2000 at 12:00 am #41716
I think that you all are looking deeper into this then it probably is. I doubt that most single white females are looking for single white males to keep thier race alive, or a statistic things, or any other technical reasons. They probably just prefer white males. Me, being a WhiteFemale, prefer white males also. Its just because I seem to be able to relate to them better, and i just like the way they look better, and I am just accustomed to them in general, when it comes to dating. I have nothing against the other races, and I think that they are quite beautiful, though it is just my preference. But to why it seems to you that its mostly the white females that prefer white males? Well, for some reason, maybe most white females prefer white males. In my opinon, there’s nothing wrong with being close minded about the type of people you want to date, if that’s what you like. Your comment reminds me of one I hear a lot from some black females feeling like all the black males are being taken away by white females. For one, it’s not probably accurate about every black guy, and second, it just seems pointless form that opinion in your head and get angry at it, because there are probably much more fish in the sea. I guess I’m not a black woman looking for a black male, so I can’t really understand how they feel. Although, I know that if a white guy did not want to date white girls, and just wanted black girls, I would just have the feeling ‘Oh, he’s that way, I’m not his type, on to the next’ if i wanted to date him. I would not think ‘ugh, he had better change his ways.’ I mean, just accept it. well, thats enough of my rambling.
User Detail :Name : kt, Gender : F, City : chapel hill, State : NC Country : United States, January 7, 2000 at 12:00 am #14004
Personal ads — all the way back to the ‘mail order brides’ of the 19th century — have to be specific and are no different that classified ads for cars or jobs. The anonymity of the ad allows for a more visible display of the screening behavior that would have happened under other social situations. (I doubt that anyone at a church social would stand up and announce they were looking for a bondage partner, but they would in a personal ad in the Village Voice.)
User Detail :Name : Michael20669, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 38, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Intranet Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, January 7, 2000 at 12:00 am #24469
joe30632ParticipantJanuary 9, 2000 at 12:00 am #41020
Strange. I’ve noticed the exact opposite of what you’re describing. I see lots of ads from white women who are looking for black men, ads from white men looking for black women, and ads from black men who are looking for white women. However, most ads I’ve seen from black women contain very racially oriented taglines like “Nubian princess seeks her strong Ebony prince,” which tells me that white men should stay far, far away. I rarely see ads from black women who are willing to consider white men as dating material.
User Detail :Name : Dan31628, City : Denver, State : CO Country : United States, January 10, 2000 at 12:00 am #32957
As a single young white female I definitely do not have a superiority complex or any inclination to preserve my race. I have dated interacially before and I’ll probably do it again. Frankly, I thinks its just straight up fear. Unfamiliarity. I live in Los Angeles where people of difference are literally seperated by walls and freeways and there’s a real sense of ‘us and them’ in respect to neighborhoods. Media culture heavily promotes stereotypes and emphasizes racial and language differences more than our similarities. I think the sub-culutural differences, whether they exist or not, are intimidating. It’s fear of the unknown, the not understood. The same woman who advertises for a white male may actually date a man of color that she has had the opportunity to meet and understand. I think a white woman may be scared to date an ANONYMOUS non-white man because the perceived potential differences may be overwhelming. I am not commending this by any means, but I think its a reality. I think that human to human contact, real relationships, is by far the best way to eradicate stereotypes and fears. As a final note, I don’t advertise in the personal ads because I think its kinda risky in general, regardless of race.
User Detail :Name : Lisa, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, January 11, 2000 at 12:00 am #39817
I think it’s quite the opposite, actually. But then, I live in Seattle and west coast cities have the most interracial dating in the country, so that could be why. But there are so many white women who date black men, at least here, myself included. I have heard that Chicago is very racially-segregated though. So if you don’t like it, come here.
User Detail :Name : BF, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 17, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, January 13, 2000 at 12:00 am #25638
So far, with the exception of Crystal’s reply, the white female respondents to this question are pretty much conceding that they do prefer white males, but that such preferences are perfectly ok. That’s fine. But if that is true, then the fact that so many SWFs are looking exclusively for white males would mean that they somehow believe that white males are best for them — a preference, if you will. That just begs the question, doesn’t it? What is it about white males that white women feel they should date them and only them? I’m not white, and I don’t feel an ‘inbred’ pressure to date within my race. I still don’t understand why white females are especially sensitive to the ethnicity of their partners.
User Detail :Name : Original Poster, Gender : M, Race : Asian-American, Age : 26, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Law Clerk, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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