Parents’ reaction to interracial dating

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  • #11134

    To people raising children and preaching equality in their homes: Why is it so surprising when a son or daughter brings home a romantic interest of another race? Is it possibly a sign that, subconciously, the parents either teach or expect that their child is not to date outside their race? I want to hear from parents who have always taught about equality but have been/would be surprised if their children brought home lovers of a different race.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Thoroughly Confused, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 21, City : Chicago area, State : IL Country : United States, 
    #16646

    Crystal31920
    Participant

    I think in many cases it’s not that the parents are (consciously) racist so much as they are trying to protect their children from possible unhappiness. Many well-meaning parents are afraid their child will suffer discrimination and unhappiness from being in an interracial marriage. This applies particularly to daughters. Since women bear the main burdens of ‘making a relationship work’, are the primary parents of any children who result, and are the ones to suffer when a relationship breaks up, many otherwise liberal parents don’t want their daughters to take their chances on an ‘unconventional’ and possibly difficult relationship. I know this was my own father’s rationale for disapproving of an interracial relationship I had a while ago. He is a good, liberal, non-racist man but in his eyes, if I married this man I would be making life unnecessarily hard for myself. (I disagreed, incidentally. Marriage is hard no matter if it’s with someone of the same race or not.)

    User Detail :  

    Name : Crystal31920, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 30's, City : Oakland, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Office manager/writer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #39506

    gene21627
    Participant

    Have you ever seen a dove & a crow in the same nest?

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    Name : gene21627, City : Mankato, State : MN Country : United States, 
    #32177

    c.t.
    Participant

    I have been teaching my daughter that people are equal, and I would not in the least be surprised if she one day dated someone of another race or color. I think you do not mean ‘surprised’ at all, but actually ‘irritated.’ As far as I can say from my own parents, they would be irritated if I brought someone home from another race – but only initially. They, too, raised me with an egalitarian concept, but they themselves were raised in a highly race-conscious environment, against which their egalitarianism was protest. Maybe this parent generation is then surprised or irritated by their children’s dating behavior because they find themselves face to face with subconscious racial prejudice that they have been carrying around with them since their own childhood and never knew was there (seeing they were so busy raising us egalitarian).

    User Detail :  

    Name : c.t., Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Atheist, Age : 32, City : Munich, State : NA Country : Germany, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 
    #26704

    Dave
    Member

    Not to be cynical, but no one wants to be seen as a racist these days, especially Caucasians. White parents, or any parents, would try to raise their children as egalitarian, because that seems to be the moral and right thing to do. But that doesn’t mean that they really feel egalitarian, if they were put to the test. I’m an Asian male. Whenever I ask white females if they would date an Asian man, they almost always say ‘sure.’ When I set them up with one, they curiously always cancel at the last minute. Parents are no exception. Nobody wants to be an object of reprimand.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Dave, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 27, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Law Clerk, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
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