- February 17, 2003 at 12:00 am #3386
What is the optimal age for marriage? While browsing through postings on Y? Forum, I noticed that several people in their early twenties (and sometimes teens) were married. I find this odd – probably because I’m 26 and unmarried. It seems as though it would be extremely difficult to be in a lasting relationship when you’re so young. You don’t have a clear sense of yourself, let alone someone else. You haven’t settled in a career. You haven’t explored the world. How can you come together with someone else when you haven’t finished growing?
User Detail :Name : Helen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 26, City : Ann Arbor, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Grad student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, March 3, 2003 at 12:00 am #15065
The optimal age for marriage is when the following conditions are met:
1. You have achieved a sufficient maturity to make a lifelong commitment to someone.
2. You are in a healthy relationship, and you and your partner are willing to make the sacrifices that are involved in a marriage. These conditions will be met at different times for different people.
In response to your question about not having finished growing, I know people in their 80s who are still learning and growing. Nobody ever really finishes growing, and part of a marriage is growing together.
User Detail :Name : Trudy24917, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Mormon, Age : 20, City : San Jose, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, March 3, 2003 at 12:00 am #18342
A lasting relationship for some people is a month or two, and for others it’s years. For me, it was finding someone whom I loved very much and wanted to be with. I can’t see my life without my wife in it. I was married at 21 and am now 25. Some people mature at different rates and find their careers sooner than others, and love is the same way. Don’t give up on finding someone special because you don’t feel old enough. One day you may have waited for too long…
User Detail :Name : Adam25147, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Age : 25, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Military, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, March 3, 2003 at 12:00 am #26424
I don’t think there is any optimal age. It’s all a matter of personal feeling. And I disagree with it being so important to have a clear sense of yourself or career. I’m 29 and married my wife five years ago. At the time I had already settled into a career and felt I knew who I was. I admit that I am not exactly the person I was back then, but who is? The important thing is to grow with someone instead of apart.
User Detail :Name : Me21881, Gender : M, Age : 29, City : San Francisco Bay Area, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, March 3, 2003 at 12:00 am #28419
I got married when I was 34 and am 45 now. Waiting until than was a very smart decision. I think the optimal age for marriage is between 25 and 35, because a person more likely knows what they want in life. My wife and I dated for about 15 months before we got engaged. We got married 18 months after that. I think it takes a good year to 18 months for a couple to really get to know each other. You seem like a very intelligent lady, and my guess is that you will be very successful in life.
User Detail :Name : Dan C., Gender : M, City : Omaha, State : NE Country : United States, March 3, 2003 at 12:00 am #32546
Some young marriages work, some don’t. One advantage of marrying young is that you can grow together. I’ve been married three times: at 22, at 25 and at 37 (I don’t recommend that anyone repeat this as an experiment). During my first marriage, my wife and I were entering full adulthood together, and we formed a lot of our ideas of how things should be together. Despite the fact that we came from very different backgrounds, we generally got along fine. My second wife was several years younger than I and had never really lived as a grownup, so she more or less learned from me. By the time of my third marriage, my third wife and I had both lived as adults, with families, for many years and were quite set in our ways. We have never melded together the way I did with the first and second wife.
User Detail :Name : JerryS, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 52, City : New Britain, State : CT Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, March 3, 2003 at 12:00 am #43094
I believe everything you say is correct – in most cases. I have lived with my husband since we were in high school, and we have essentially both saved each other from destruction and grown together. I’m in graduate school and he’s working on his bachelor’s degree in physics, so we’re not the ‘barefoot and pregnant high school sweethearts’ that get publicized. In fact, we don’t intend to have children. So, in answer to your question, different people have different reasons. It’s also somewhat of a generational question – our grandparents were ready for marriage younger than our generation is because cultural expectations have changed.
User Detail :Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Huntsville, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, March 3, 2003 at 12:00 am #44360
There are two sides to that issue. I agree with you, as do others, that you need to know yourself before you are in a position to get married. What is important to you? I don’t think you need to be well-traveled to settle down. To be married young is to limit your options more than you have to. But people do change, and if they change together, it is a growing experience. Some marry unaware that they will be giving up some of their choices for the sake of their relationship. But young or old, marriage is a committment to care for one another, no matter what, rather than finding the most comfortable pair of shoes, which can be exchanged at a later date if one so chooses.
User Detail :Name : Arnold-U23782, Gender : M, Religion : Christian, Age : 50, City : Edmonton, Alberta, State : NA Country : Canada, March 6, 2003 at 12:00 am #41344
Hmm… it has been my experience that most young people DON’T marry in their younger years. People who are career-oriented tend to wait until their late twenties or sometimes even early thirties before they consider this form of committment. However, I also notice that in very religious communities (speaking from a unorthodox Christian perspective) young people tend to marry sooner. I think this is because sex outside of marriage is very taboo in the more proactive Christian community, so marrying younger keeps people from being ‘tempted.’ In fact, at my highschool, there was a girl who got married and she wasn’t even 18!
User Detail :Name : Kristina26272, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : DC, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Transcriber, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, March 11, 2003 at 12:00 am #44643
I’m only 16, but I think there are a few conditions that should be met before a couple chooses to marry (and therefore live togther for life): >The two must be emotionally mature enough to handle a permanent committment, which raising includes children >The couple should be able to support themselves financially >They must know that they are right for eachother, and that this ‘right’ extends beyond physical appearance, or other things of a temporary nature
User Detail :Name : Jake21069, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 16, City : Hermantown (Duluth), State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, April 4, 2003 at 12:00 am #28665
I wanted to respond to your question. I am also a black female graduate and not married. Marriage is based on maturity and the willingness to handle it not whether you have finished getting your education or the feeling of being ‘settled’. If you are not mentally ready to get married then you will not want to. It appears to me at this point in your life you have decided to put school first, don’t you know that the majority of women that have PHD’s and Masters are not married. That is because they have put learning first before deiciding to have children or get married.
User Detail :Name : Julia, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 23, City : Greensboro, State : NC Country : United States, Occupation : Social Worker, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, November 4, 2004 at 12:00 am #18805
Meg21923ParticipantNovember 26, 2004 at 12:00 am #37824
I got married at 23. We have been happily married for 10 years. One piece of advise: never take advise from someone with history of failures. It’s like getting financial advise from someone who is broke from their own decisions. Don’t get ‘broke’ by listening to them. It doesn’t matter when you get married. The rate of divorce lower for people who get married 20-25yo then for 30-35. Didactic cohesion is worse off as well. Getting married younger has its advantages. I personally think that one should be mostly finished with school AND know the direction of their career. For me it was 23. PS: exploring and discovering the world with the one you love….can’t do better than that. PSS: how do you come together with someone else when you havent finished growing: please, once you get married you will have to get dug up and replanted and regrown all over agin WITH the person you marry. The older you get the harder it is to change. AND BOTH HAVE TO CHANGE!!!!! PSSS: I have known what I wanted to do since I was 17 years old….Most people know by second or third year of college. (do you still not know?) Anyway, just my thoughts. Time to pack for italy.
User Detail :Name : Mark22073, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 33, City : Bellevue, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Self Employed, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, February 8, 2006 at 12:00 am #22274
I don’t think there is a right or wrong anwer tothis question. I think that people should be able to decide when they want to get married as long as it’s at a resonable age, not like 16. But I think as long you feel comfortable with your mate and you feel like you know them and you want to grow old with them, then you should get married. Juat know what you want out of life and have a plan. To tell you the truth I’m only 19 goin on 20 and my wedding is set for this August. I feel that this is what I want to do and I feel I want to grow as an adult with him in my corner helping me every step of the way. That’s what’s important wanting it for a reason and knowing you can handle it.
User Detail :Name : Dee, City : Fargo, State : ND Country : United States,
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