Men’s urges

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  • #10172

    Melanie20764
    Participant

    Do all men get the urge to rape? And if you don’t really see women as sex objects, why do you watch so much porn?

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    Name : Melanie20764, Gender : F, Age : 17, City : Tacoma, State : WA Country : United States, 
    #45070

    MurrayC
    Participant

    No, Melanie. Not all men have the urge to rape. I have never had the urge to rape my wife or previous girlfriends. However, to add a twist, my previous girlfriends and wife have asked to to be ‘raped’ during sex. Not actually raped of course, but just going-through-the-motions of being raped (e.g. rip their clothes off, tied to the bed, hard thrusting, etc) but no one ever got physically/emotionally hurt. To answer your second question… men who like watching porn don’t necessarily treat women like sex objects. They like watching porn for the sake of watching porn. Men are turned on by things that are VISUAL, not emotional. So it is not so much watching a woman being ‘demoralized’, but watching the actual sex act the excites a man.

    User Detail :  

    Name : MurrayC, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Halifax, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Draftsman, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #17700

    Rick29845
    Participant

    I think you might be confusing 2 different things. First of all, rape is more about power than sex. The rapist gets off on totally overpowering/controlling somebody (usually a woman, but not always) for various psychological reasons. Normal men do not have the urge to rape. Instead we feel protective of women. Also, not all men watch porn. I’m not sure why men tend to view porn more than women. One study I read about showed that women were every bit as aroused by porn as men. So, perhaps it’s just more acceptable for men to view porn than for women to view it. This would be par for the course in our society, which seems to fear women’s sexuality.

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    Name : Rick29845, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Springfield, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #32354

    Porn-lover30247
    Participant

    Excuse me…I’ve never in my life known any male who wanted to rape a woman, or felt that urge myself. Where’d you ever get such a weird idea that we do? Rapists only make up a tiny tiny percent of all of us males. That’s like asking do all women get the urge to abuse children, just because a few of you do it. As for porn, I don’t defend the types of it that see women as objects, but plenty of it does not. Just what makes something porn and something not is a matter of personal opinion. Those so-called romance novels that so many women read, for example. Plenty of them have loads of sex in their pages, pretty graphic but also pretty silly in their euphemisms like saying ‘his engorged manhood’ instead of erect penis. And so many of them feature women getting raped and enjoying it. What’s up with that? I know women don’t really want to or enjoy being raped, but plenty of you seem to fantasize about it.

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    Name : Porn-lover30247, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 22, City : Middle of nowhere, State : ID Country : United States, 
    #36636

    Steve27606
    Participant

    Not all men get the urge to rape. For me personally, an unwilling partner is a major turn-off. Men who view a lot of pornography do see women as sex objects, whether they will admit it or not. This is because the sole purpose of pornography is to arouse men. Men who frequently indulge in pornography eventually begin thinking that sexual interest is the sole purpose of not only pornography, but women in general. A man in this condition is not capable of looking at a woman without deciding whether or not she would look good naked. There are men who do not view pornography and have a healthy attitude toward women, and understand that women are valuable individuals. Anyone who tries to defend a rapist by arguing that it’s just part of male nature is either misinformed or lying.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Steve27606, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Mormon, Age : 30, City : Nashua, State : NH Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #43682

    Matthew
    Member

    I will speak in generalities if you will allow me, to explain that a huge difference exists between male and female sexuality. Primarily, men have a MUCH stronger SEX drive, not intimacy drive. Because of our testosterone, we have had a ‘sex-thermometer’ that is constantly reminding us of our need for sex. Because of the sexually repressive society in which we live, this drive surfaces in some healthy and nonhealthy formats. Most men are able to watch porn and keep it in check while some men are not. Sex is more closely related to the animal drive and hence the more base some men prefer their fantasies. I hope this helps you to understand, but I don’t think women can, because of this huge difference between the sexes. I consider myself to be an intelligent, civilized man, yet, I prefer some of the pornographic topics you mentioned. And to be quite honest, I am tired of having them put down in our society. I believe we live in a discriminatory environment with respect to men’s sexuality. I think it scares most people.

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    Name : Matthew, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 44, City : New York City, State : NY Country : United States, 
    #15360

    Alex29044
    Participant

    I do not get the urge to rape and don’t know any men who do. While I do enjoy energetic sex, the idea of anything sexual with an unwilling partner disgusts me. I do admit I enjoy porn, but it is not because I see women as sex objects. I enjoy porn because I have sexual urges and am currently without a partner, and it is a healthy way to deal with sexual frustration.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Alex29044, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 18, City : Beloit, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #18025

    Steve27605
    Participant

    I have never had the urge to rape anyone. I doubt I am in the minority. Just like women report having cozy ‘rape’ fantasies, men do to. This is a far cry from acting on them. I don’t think men see women merely as sex objects any more than women just see men as ‘paycheck’ objects. These are stereotypes. Sometimes you want to read a book, sometimes you want to play golf, and some times you want to see a woman doing nasty things. If a live woman is unavailable or unobliging, porn is an acceptable alternative. This does not mean that this is the only thing you value in the opposite sex, it is just one aspect.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Steve27605, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 45, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Corporate Cubicle Dweller, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 
    #24597

    Brian23008
    Participant

    As a 27-year veteran of the male gender, I’m proud to announce that I’ve never had the ‘urge’ to rape anybody, and I’m quite confident I never will. The fact that some men rape women does not mean all men want to. The same holds true for pornography. Yes, it’s a huge business, and millions of men view pornographic material regularly (women do this, too), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that all men view all women as sex objects. There are good and bad people. Those who rape women (or men, children, animals, etc.) belong in the ‘bad’ category, but don’t lump the rest of us in there, too.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Brian23008, Gender : M, City : Spokane, State : WA Country : United States, 
    #37112

    Larry V.
    Member

    Melanie, Most men have strong desire for sex, and the desire is stimulated by the sight, sound, and especially attention of an attractive woman. Most of us have sufficient self-control to refrain from embarrassing responses to this desire (ogling, drooling, or making an obvious pass), particularly if married or in a satisfying relationship. The desire itself is healthy…without it, humanity will depopulate. Cultural training helps us keep it in perspective. Some men (and some women) have strong desire for power over others, and if such a person also feels very insecure or inadequate, the desire may be manifested as an urge to hurt or otherwise overpower someone. Some percentage of such men act out this desire by rape, probably the most hurtful act one can commit short of murder. As you may imagine, there are very many other ways the desire to dominate in hurtful ways is carried out. This kind of desire and these kinds of actions are sick. So, we aren’t all monsters, but if you are at all attractive, sexual desire is an undercurrent that simply will not go away. Self control keeps it to an undercurrent, rather than an obtrusive, unpleasant overtone.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Larry V., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 54, City : Wilmington, State : DE Country : United States, Occupation : Computer Programmer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #37418

    Kristina
    Member

    I don’t think most men have the natural urge to rape. It is so repulsive, and I would think to some extent demeaning, to a man. Why would he have to force a woman to have sex with him? If he is really hot and manly, the woman should want to have sex with him. Even in porn (at least mainstream American porn), usually rape is not depicted. There may be scenes of ‘gang-bangs’ when several men at once have their turn with a woman, but usually she is a more than willing participant. I think men do want women to enjoy them sexually. There are probably cases of odd fantasies or what not, but I’m sure there are underlying psychological or emotional reasons that cause those types of desires. But I don’t see the sin in acting out a ‘rape fantasy’ if the woman is a willing participant and no violence is involved; I guess if it’s done as a roleplaying situation that’s play and not reality, it’s OK. To answer the other part of your question: yes, men do see women as sex objects. This is very apparent in every media. It’s always the woman who has to be alluring and sensual to the man. But this is a natural expression of a man’s psyche; they are more physical than women. I don’t think they should really be faulted for feeling that way, just like women shouldn’t be faulted for wanting to get married or have children.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Kristina, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 20, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Transcriber, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #39171

    John B.
    Member

    I can only speak for myself. I can honestly say that I have never had the urge to rape a woman. I am married and am attracted to my wife as well as other attractive women. My sex drive is most often driven by aesthetically pleasing female forms or sexually-related conversation. That is not to say, however, that I would force a woman to have sexual contact with me. I believe it is a matter of individual impulse control.

    User Detail :  

    Name : John B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 27, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Sales and marketing, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #42332

    Stuart S.
    Member

    First, not all men get the urge to rape. I abhor the thought of such predation. I’m not a violent person, but I have imagined wanting to do violence to any man who does this to a woman. What most people DO have is a desire for at least a certain degree of control of others. I think rape happens when someone becomes fixated on this control, to the point of becoming neurotic. Personally, I can’t sexually function with an unenthusiastic partner, so the thought of rape has no appeal to me (to say the least). With regard to your second question, I think nearly all men see women as sex objects. Certainly, I do this. Now, stay with me here, I DON’T see women ONLY as sex objects. I have many women friends, and don’t think much about their sexuality when we’re together. I think some about it, but not at the expense of everything else. I can feel affection for a woman without wanting to have sex with her. I have reported to women in the workplace, and find myself more motivated working for a woman than most men I’ve worked for. I can feel sexually attracted to a woman who does not seem to feel the same about me, and still get along well with her. I have no problem confiding this feeling to her, or just avoiding the subject altogether if I’ve gathered that she would be uneasy with the subject. Usually, it’s the latter. If there’s a curse to being a male, it’s probably the frustration resulting from the ratio of ‘potential’ sexual partners to the number of actual sexual partners. With regard to porn, I do watch it and am not sure why. It’s probably a misguided attempt to satisfy a desire, maybe similar to overeating. I think it can reinforce the notion that women are only sex objects, but I doubt it creates that notion. I’ve noticed that my interest in watching it diminishes as I interact more with women professionally. I know porn is highly offensive to most women, and can only repeat that my desire to watch it does not mean that I think of women only as sex objects.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Stuart S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 47, City : Austin, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : IT Professional, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #45780

    Tex
    Participant

    I assume some men (not all) do but that urge is only as strong as the urge everyone gets to kill someone every once and a while. All men have base sexual desires which we use porn to get over. Let’s face it, there’s a major lust gap between the genders and porn helps bridge the gap.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Tex, City : Toronto, State : NA Country : Canada, 
    #17884

    Corey
    Member

    OKay, this is a touchy one. I’m sure I’m not the best person to answer this, but then, who is? To answer your question, NO, not all men get the urge to rape. This is a behavior almost exclusively found in men, I believe, due to genetic and hormonal make-up. We’re given testosterone, and a bevy of other chemicals which put aggressive thoughts in our heads. These are the same impulses that make us more competitive (mentally at least) in sports, at home and in the workplace. Men are often frustrated in their attempts to interact with women. Frankly, women can be frustrating, alluring, and confusing all at the same time. Females are especially confusing to teenage boys, partly due to their inexperience, partly to their lack of confidence, and partly to their raging hormones. Put all these factors together in an unstable individual and you get a man who simply wants to have control over these female creatures. He wants domination over them, as they have dominated his thoughts and desires and yet become so unattainable. So, the rape becomes the outpouring of that desire to dominate. The porn thing is a COMPLETELY different subject and should not be connected to the reasons behind rape at all. Do not mistake that. Men are very visual creatures. We are stimulated by sights, sounds and naked skin. We like to see sex acted out. Again, I believe this is almost entirely due to genetic predisposition. Western culture does put a taboo on female nakedness, and since all forbidden things are automatically exciting, that probably has some part in it as well. Women are, statistically, more turned on by ideas, situations, touching, language, etc. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and you will undoubtedly meet men and women who are exact opposites from what I’ve described, but again, I’ve been talking in generalities. These statements and opinions are based on what I’ve gleaned from studies, books and my own meandering experience over the last 22 years. If someone has another and/or better take on this, please feel free to follow up.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Corey, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 22, City : Vancouver, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : desk jockey, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
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