- August 8, 2005 at 12:00 am #10929
I was playing sports with a guy who’s gay and we were playing against this other guy who was extremely, flamboyantly campy, to a point that it looked like he was purposely showing off. Though I am a strong supporter of gay rights, I was quite turned off by that person – as I would be turned off by a straight person going out of his way to display his macho manhood. It wasn’t so much his flamboyance but the deliberateness of his behavior that bothered me. I understand I should be more accepting, but that was truly my natural reaction. I am curious about how some of you homosexual guys feel about this kind of off-the-chart display.
User Detail :Name : Joe W., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, City : Vancouver, British Columbia, State : NA Country : Canada, August 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #14117
I’m as annoyed by this as I am by anyone who goes out of their way to be too much ‘something’ and ends up becoming the worst of the stereotypes. People who go out of their way to be over the top, or who don’t act appropriately given the situation, bother me. This kind of behavior might be fine among friends but is out of place at a sporting event, just as a belching, drunk, beer-bellied football fan would be at a church service.
User Detail :Name : Jay, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 29, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : web design, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, August 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #24497
I don’t like that, either. It is so stereotypical and gives the appearance to heteros that all us gay men act that way. We only want to be part of the mainstream. I certainly don’t flame out like that and most of my gay friends don’t, either.
User Detail :Name : Gary, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 47, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, August 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #27924
I applaud the flamers because they never saw the need to hide who they are. It gave me the courage to come out.
User Detail :Name : Jeremy29745, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 31, City : Huntington, State : WV Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower class, August 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #30102
Ann L. LowensteinParticipant
I know a number of ‘very’ gay men. One of them is extremely ‘in-your-face’ gay, like the guy you described. He wants to offend people and put them off, because he views their reaction as some sort of asinine ‘litmus test’ of what kind of person they are – to wit, if they don’t say anything about his behavior, or pretend not to notice it, they’re ‘closeted gay-bashing hypocrites,’ and if they DO say something or become visibly offended, they are ‘homophobic gay-bashing rednecks.’ Or, to put it another way, you can’t win for losing with this jerk. I guess all this is a convoluted way of saying there are assholes of every sexual orientation, and you may have run across one.
User Detail :Name : Ann L. Lowenstein, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Animist, Age : 37, City : K.C., State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, August 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #46829
I’m gay myself and would have to admit that some of these feminine traits are inborn. I am not saying all gay males are feminine, just as all straight guys aren’t overly ‘macho’. In many cases, people who are feminine do not purposely do it, but the way you describe this particular person, it seems as though they were trying very hard for people to know, and to kind of impose his sexuality. I know many guys like this; they are feminine, but when around certain types of people, they really go into overdrive, just to show the world they are gay. This usally happens when they want someone or some group to know who they are.
User Detail :Name : Kevin, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Atheist, Age : 17, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, September 11, 2005 at 12:00 am #30973
It sounds like you’re not as comfortable with gays as you claim to be. I admit it does get a little old at times, as does the dressing in drag, but it takes all kinds to make up this old world.
User Detail :Name : Dwanny, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 53, City : Springtown, State : TX Country : United States, October 9, 2005 at 12:00 am #19783
As a gay man I am embarrassed when another gay person acts overly flamboyant to a point that they are showing off. Not all gay men are flamboyant. I have known many gay men who act this way only to shock straight men and try to get a reaction out of them. Just remember not to judge all gay men by the action of just a few.
User Detail :Name : Andrew-C, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States, October 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #18330
Every gay man I’ve ever known has acted feminine, yet I know they are not all like that, but if you notice on TV, all of the gay male characters are somewhat feminine, like on ‘Will and Grace,’ for example. Then when I think of Liberace, Elton John, Paul Lynde, etc, all fem-acting. This can’t be the case every time, but it seems like it.
User Detail :Name : Craig, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : Concord, State : NH Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, October 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #23171
There are class differences among the gay community: the butch and the fems and the normal, per se. The fems are a total embarrasment to all gays, as well as the butch. (Butch, by the way, are mullet-sporting, tit-taping lesbians (GROSS).) I call fems faggots, and I mean it in every sense of the word. We don’t all have to act that way. I don’t mind it at times when it’s coming from a friend or two (and only if they happen to be a friend, which is hard for someone to be for me) because it’s funny, but when I really sit down and think, these are the types of guys who are available to date – and they don’t want to be like guys, at that! I like men for a reason: because they are men! If I would’ve had the choice to like women, I would’ve taken the chance right away. I probably should, anyway, because all the gay men are like women, but it’s not that easy. Anyway, I go out and observe these guys, and yes, they are blatantly gay and dramatic. They disgust me. It’s like something is psychologically wrong with them. I want people to go out to a gay club and observe. You’ll see what I’ve had to deal with. But, for the sake of being politically correct, we have to have a natural diversity and a tolerance for this diversity in this world.
User Detail :Name : George, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 24, City : San Antonio, State : TX Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, October 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #23951
I’ve dealt with many people who exhibit behavior of this sort. The in-your-face flamer, the overly macho misogynist, the I’m-too-cool-for-you pimped-out white boy, the I’m-so-pretty-I-have-to-be-overly-nice-to-you daddy’s girl, the yeah-whatever-I’m-not-a-drone-like-you-so-you-don’t-get-an-acknowledgement-as-a-human-being semi-goth, and even people like myself, the you-probably-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about-since-most-people-are-full-of-it irritable and tenacious elitist. Everyone is overcompensating for something.. It’s just that the ‘thing’ is different for everyone, as is the degree to which they do so.
User Detail :Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Existential Nilhist, Age : 29, City : Canton, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Social class : Lower class, October 23, 2005 at 12:00 am #38756
I’m not gay, but my brother is. He thinks that some behave this way because that is how they define who they are. Most people don’t define themselves as heterosexual or gay. I define myself as a teacher, mother, wife, artist etc. I believe they are insecure and aren’t looking at themselves as a whole person. My brother said these people usually have low self-esteem and only focus on that aspect of their lives.
User Detail :Name : Kelli-C19487, Gender : F, City : Brandon, State : FL Country : United States, February 26, 2006 at 12:00 am #34967
I’m not flamboyant, but I have a few things to say about people who are more flamey than others. I don’t necessarily like it. If somebody does it so much they are obviously showing off, it is annoying. If somebody does it so they can be gay ‘the right way’ a-la Will and Grace and Queer Eye, it’s sad. But if somebody just happens to be that way, it’s not something that bothers me. I do not like gender stereotypes, and the idea that a gay man (like any other man) must be just like other men is disgusting to me. If somebody is comfortable being that way, so what?
User Detail :Name : Jack19642, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 21, City : Oshkosh, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : Camp Counselor, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, October 5, 2006 at 12:00 am #36741
Being Flamboyant is different to each gay person. some like myself tend to get Flamboyant just because we’re happy with the company we’re with and don’t notice we’re being Flamboyant at all. It’s Like telling a Person with a Cajun accent to stop talking like a Black person ?!#*? Only a person from a different persuasion can see or hear the difference . If I’m with my Gay friends and we’re all excited and having a blast, I’d say yes, The campyness is off the chart. Yet, I wouldn’t advise waving a Rainbow flag at a Smackdown wrestling match, theirs a time and a place for everything. next time, let your buddy know he’s a little to excited and is standing out in a crowd, I know I would appreciate it if I where a Little to excited.
User Detail :Name : Paul Sanz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Religion : Christian, Age : 40, City : Akron, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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