Lies men tell me

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  • #11224

    Nancy
    Participant

    Men tell me I’m a great person to be with, that I’m warm, funny, loving, caring, understanding and unconditional. And that any man would be foolish not to want to be with me. If this is so true, why is it that I’m still VERY single?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Nancy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Bahai Faith, Age : 48, City : Tempe, State : AR Country : United States, Occupation : Labtech, Social class : Middle class, 
    #39474

    Although those are admirable traits, they don’t necessarily count re:attraction. For me, there has to be something that makes me say to myself ‘this woman has the most beautiful **** I’ve ever encountered’. The shallower you are, the more that ‘****thing’ will tend to be physical-if you’re male, or economic/power-if you’re female. Also, in general, you won’t hear the negative things about yourself-Maybe you monopolize the conversation too much. Maybe your voice is a nazally-irritating-whine type of voice. Maybe you smother your mate to the point of suicidal/homicidal thoughts. If I was you, I’d ask those men who say those kind things to you ‘wuzzup w/that’? But first, tell them you could never be happy with them. You could never be happy with anyone so smarmy, who toys with your emotions only to discard you like a used kleenex. I’m kidding. I’m kidding(about that last part).

    User Detail :  

    Name : Marshall Keith, Gender : Male, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : NA, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 50, City : Walkersville, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : musician, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #28585

    John
    Participant

    Nancy, I hate to tell you this, but this is very much a two way street. I am a straight man of about your age, and you could have been describing me in your post. Thoughts or comments? Maybe nice guys, or girls, really do sometimes finish last.

    User Detail :  

    Name : John, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 49, City : Cedar Rapids, State : IA Country : United States, Occupation : nurse tech, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #22824

    Mark
    Member

    You’re saying ‘men’, so I assume multiple guys have told you the same thing. This makes it kind of unlikely they all are lying, unless there is some conspiracy going on. I think it’s more in what they don’t tell you than what they do tell you. I could come up with a few reasons why I would decide not to ask you out for a second date, even if you’re the great person you claim that men say you are. That doesn’t mean you are bad or I am lying, it just doesn’t click. I’d advise to get feedback from a friend you trust and who knows you and who will give you honest and gentle feedback. Good luck! Mark.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 34, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : web developer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #19141

    Brian
    Member

    Honestly Nancy, guys often times are intimidated by a woman with the qualities that you listed… Maybe you need to try alternate ways of meeting people…

    User Detail :  

    Name : Brian, Gender : M, Age : 26, City : Kendall Park, State : NJ Country : United States, 
    #29457

    AVEN
    Participant

    Hi nancy. I don’t understand why. Without getting more in depth about your situation I can’t really comment. I don’t know you, but what do they say when they leave or give excuses for wanting to leave?

    User Detail :  

    Name : AVEN, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Chicago, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Sales, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #28004

    G
    Participant

    Anytime a person is told that they are a great person for the opposite sex, yet has no one, it should send a red flag that you may have issues, such as low self esteem, that could be driving them away. Men can sense this a mile away, just as women can point out this in men. Could you be sending out mixed, or the wrong signals to men? Is there something in your personality that you should take a good look at? Where are you meeting these men? A man won’t tell you these things if he doesn’t mean them. There must be something else going on here. It’s up to you to find out. I can’t say more unless I know more about you and your situations.

    User Detail :  

    Name : G, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : non-denominational christian, Age : 41, City : Sierra Vista, State : AZ Country : United States, Occupation : sales, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #16912

    Randy30231
    Participant

    Apparently you haven’t met the man who values those qualities in a woman who is available or you’re really ugly and the shallow men you have met are interested in surface qualities. But really, there is someone out there for you – you just haven’t been fortunate enough to meet him or recognize him yet.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Randy30231, City : Visalia, State : CA Country : United States, 
    #32366

    Chris
    Participant

    They aren’t necessarily lying to you; I have no doubt that you are all those things they say you are. I’m ‘guessing’ that there’s something about your appearance, though. Too ‘something’. You would know better than I, and I wouldn’t even dare–or care–to guess. (Maybe too old; I know that VERY well; many single guys our age are still looking for younger women.) So if you really are all those things (and you should believe it, I think), and they choose not to be with you, then consider yourself doubly blessed: They’re fools. Good luck, Nancy.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Chris, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 51, City : Windsor, State : CT Country : United States, Occupation : Construction Estimator, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #28986

    David A.
    Member

    I’ve heard, don’t remember where, that men tend to pick mates by their looks. That this response is driven by a biological need to perpetuate the species and that beauty is a quick measure of that ability. The other features are icing on the cake, for some men. Maybe they’re uncomfortable going outside their own faith, politics, values, and culture.

    User Detail :  

    Name : David A., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Stutterer, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 57, City : Denver, State : CO Country : United States, Occupation : Software Developer, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
    #27584

    Mark
    Member

    You may not have provided us with enough information. How long have you been single? How have relationships in the past gone? Do you smoke, drink or do drugs and do yo uhave any serious health issues or diseases?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 44, City : Columbia, State : SC Country : United States, Occupation : chiropractor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #37021

    It probably isn’t lies. People could be telling you these things because they are truthful, but then you may remain single because, physical attraction plays a central role in relationships. I have gotten similar comments from girls, and there are entire websites devoted to trying to understand why girls and woman say they want intellignet, funny, sensitive men but seemingly 99% of woman turn around and go date mach jerks, who treat them terribly. The thing is that (especially with men) attraction is based centrally around physical attraction. Physical attractiveness is gauge through the most revered of all sense, sight. Add to that idiosyncracies of what one finds attractive and you have a very fickle driving force that is central to the nature of attraction.

    User Detail :  

    Name : doug galecawitz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 25, City : Lisle, State : IL Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower class, 
    #36391

    Believe it or not most men are shy when it comes to sex and attraction. Many men fear rejection or fear that they will offend the target female. Lots of guys will become friends with the girl and either don’t want to mess up the friendship or assume that the woman wants to keep the relationship at friends. I know that I have a terrible fear of being ‘that guy’. The last thing I want to be is an annoying suiter or the guy that won’t go away so I normally don’t try too hard to build romantic relationships.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Christopher, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 20, City : Columbia, State : SC Country : United States, Occupation : Sales Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #18414

    Ushtar
    Participant

    Nancy, I’ll be frank: Are you attractive? Are you good in bed? You didn’t mention either of these in your question. As a man, these factors are extremely important. If you looked good, are good, and had these qualities, you’d have a man.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ushtar, Gender : M, Age : 40, City : Miami, State : FL Country : United States, Social class : Upper middle class, 
    #19282

    Ayanna
    Member

    Nancy, I wish I had the ‘correct’ answer for this question. I have been told the same thing too many times to count. What I’m finding is that the men saying it are either not ready to be in a relationship, or just don’t want to be in a relationship with me. It’s really just that simple. This seems to be a politically correct thing for men to say, so that women don’t feel that something is ‘wrong’ with them. This is the best answer I can give on that behalf. I can say that when the ‘right’ man comes along, he won’t have to say anything to that effect. He’ll just act accordingly.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ayanna, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Implementation Support Specialist, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
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