How do I know if I’m gay?

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  • #2169

    Allie
    Member

    How do you know if you’re gay? Is there any way to find out or help you find out? I live in a community that is very unaccepting and prejudiced toward gays and lesbians. I think I might be gay, but I’m not sure. One day I think I like guys and the next I think I like girls … and the next I like no one. Can someone give me some advice for dealing with a prejudiced community and figuring out who I am?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Allie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : don't know, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 15, City : avon, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, 
    #26338

    Dave M.
    Member

    (continued) enjoy masturbatory fantasies, but remember, they are only fantasy! its ‘normal’ for a straight person to have gay fantasies and visa versa. Just because a person has a rape fantasy doesn’t mean they want to be raped! if the only way you can reach orgasm is through gay or straight fantasy, then you’re PROBABLY gay or straight. no biggie either way! don’t hurry into sexual activity. learn all the physiology / anatomy / biology possible. don’t mistake horny for love. don’t confuse friendship with horny. use protection! you CAN get pregnant the first time. you DON’T have to have coitus to get pregnant! (sperm are tenacious lttle critters, they can travel from a puddle on your tummy, a hand on your labia, or even from the infamous ‘wet spot’ all the way to your fallopian tubes!) a condom only prevents pregnancy about 90% of the time; because viruses are smaller than sperm, its even less effective at disease protection. look for a toll free hotline and discuss ideas and attitudes with them anonymously. don’t worry. don’t hurry. enjoy. good luck, dave

    User Detail :  

    Name : Dave M., Sexual Orientation : tg lesbian, Race : mixture, Religion : Pagan, Age : 49, City : mc cleary, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : philosopher, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Lower class, 
    #14371

    Stephanie
    Member

    Generally, if you think you are gay, you probably are, at least to some degree. I started questioning my sexuality around your age, and now I identify as lesbian/queer. There are two things I’ve learned about sexuality over the last few years: one, sexual orientation isn’t static; some days/weeks/years I am more attracted to women, sometimes I am more attracted to men. Two, sexual orientation is best expressed on a continuum like the Kinsey or Klein scale (do some searching on google.com for these terms.) I generally feel like I am a ‘4’ on the Kinsey scale, meaning I am ‘predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual.’ That said, all of that technical talk doesn’t really help with the second part of your question. I grew up in a very conservative Methodist household in Oklahoma, and I wasn’t secure enough in my identity to come out until I was halfway through college. I came out last year, at 22, and I am still dealing with prejudice, mostly from my parents. When I did come out to them, I was armed with a pile of books I’d read and the support of my friends. You might want to check out the gay & lesbian section of your local bookstore — don’t be shy! It can give you a lot of ammunition for dealing with nay-sayers. Take care, and feel free to email me if you have any more questions.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Stephanie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : Norman, State : OK Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #27030

    Jessica
    Member

    I’m sorry that you have to deal with prejudice; however, I believe it is unnecessary to label your sexuality, especially when you are so young. Allow yourself to be attracted to whomever you are attracted to; fantasize about whoever you want to. If you must have a label, choose one after you’ve had more experience.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Huntsville, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #42182

    Jean
    Participant

    It’s been a while since I was 15, but I remember how you’re feeling right now. You’re going through so many changes at this age that it’s hard to be sure about anything – and being on the fence about your sexual orientation is really scary. The best thing I can tell you is not to worry about it right now. I know that’s easier for me to say than for you to do. But you’ll probably have a miliion different feelings for people of both sexes before you’re clear on whether you’re gay or straight. You’re all full of hormones and stuff, so at any given moment, anyone could seem hot to you. Sexy is sexy, regardless of gender, and a person who is hot can just plain stir up feelings. Just pay attention to how different people make you feel and don’t try to suppress or deny your feelings. Just be honest with yourself about how you feel and don’t get freaked out if one day you’re checking out the wrestling team and the next day you’re checking out the cheerleaders. It’s natural. And don’t listen to anyone who tells you to have sex with boys and girls to see which you like best. Experimenting with different people to pick a favorite will just make you more confused. If you’re going to be with someone, wait until it’s someone you care about and who cares about you. Then it won’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl because it won’t just be about the sex. And don’t try to categorize yourself yet. You’re young and it will all work itself out the way it’s supposed to. One day you’ll just know because it will just feel right.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jean, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 38, City : Orange County, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Computers, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #46736

    Thomas-K
    Participant

    What you’re feeling is a normal part of growing up. If you think you might be gay, the odds are that you aren’t. Gays KNOW that they are and don’t have doubts.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Thomas-K, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : South Orange, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #47166

    Dave M.
    Member

    Orientation can change from day to day, so don’t worry about it. Usually, the only people who insist there is one and only one ‘correct’ orientation have been wounded in some way. It may be that they are fundamentalists of some sort, or may be so afraid of being ostracized by their friends that they can’t admit that an ‘unapproved’ attitude can be valid. They mave have been molested or assaulted and never come to terms with it.

    You are growing, exploring and learning. I hope you won’t limit yourself by worrying excessively about what your friends might think. There is no time limit. I have friends (even older than I) who still don’t know! A minority of people are only straight, some are only gay, and the vast majority are somewhere in between. Don’t be afraid of self-knowledge or exploration, but stay safe. Especially in small towns, there are people who will harrass and despise (and even assault) anyone who dares to think outside the box of their limited norm.

    Enjoy masturbatory fantasies, but remember, they are only fantasy. It’s normal for a straight person to have gay fantasies, and vice versa. Just because a person has a rape fantasy doesn’t mean they want to be raped. If the only way you can reach orgasm is through gay or straight fantasy, then you’re probably gay or straight. No biggie either way. But don’t hurry into sexual activity. Don’t mistake being horny for love. Don’t confuse friendship with horny. Use protection. Don’t hurry. Don’t worry. Enjoy.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Dave M., Sexual Orientation : tg lesbian, Race : mixture, Religion : Pagan, Age : 49, City : mc cleary, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : philosopher, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Lower class, 
    #30585

    The best way to figure out if your gay is to try being intimate with a person of the same sex. If you like you’ll do it again. If you don’t like you won’t and therefore you’re not gay.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Amecah Stewart, Gender : F, Age : 22, City : Ames, State : IA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #27100

    Brittany
    Participant

    Well theres a sexual preference called bi-sexual which means that you like both girls and boys. And I think you are just going through a phase because right now homosexuality is a fad I think and I’m not sure what you should do because I’m against homosexuality so I’m absolutely against being bi-sexual. But I would stick to liking boys b/c they can satisfay a girl whereas a girl cannot satisfy a girl. A boy can do oral sex too

    User Detail :  

    Name : Brittany, Gender : Female, Race : Black/African American, Age : 20, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, 
    #38047

    Brendan M.
    Participant

    Sometimes, it just takes some time for you to find out. You haven’t given too much information to go by, but if you like boys AND girls, then you could be bisexual. (When I say ‘like,’ I mean ‘are sexually, romantically, and physically attracted to’.) A word of caution: if you come to the conclusion that you are lesbian or bisexual, don’t come out of the closet until you are ready to do so. Telling other people is a very personal decision. Make it only when you are ready.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Brendan M., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 19, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
    #22217

    GordonR
    Member

    I knew I was gay as soon as I learned there was such a thing as gay people. I was 15. It’s possible you could just be going through an experimental phase … or you could be gay. You’re the only person who can answer that question. As for dealing with a prejudiced community, I know all about that. My advice: Unless you are absolutely, 100% sure your family will be supportive and accepting, don’t tell them you’re gay until you’re in your own place, supporting yourself financially. If that means waiting until you’re in college, or even when you’ve graduated from college, so be it. You can come out to friends on an individual basis, when you think they’re ready. If there’s a gay and lesbian center in your city, you can make some friends there. But, please–don’t jeopardize your

    User Detail :  

    Name : GordonR, City : Salt Lake City, State : UT Country : United States, 
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