Honesty Not the Best Policy?

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  • #3934

    S-Colson
    Participant

    Why do some gays feel compelled to ‘come out,’ and others do not? For example why couldn’t Ellen Degeneres just be gay and keep it to herself? I think most straight people are confused by this ‘need’ to come out.
    Original Code SO122. Click here to see responses from the original archives. Click “to respond” below to reply.

    User Detail :  

    Name : S-Colson, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 28, City : Mt Jewett, State : PA Country : United States, 
    #25647

    Ceri
    Participant

    I came out to my sister and a couple of close friends a long time before coming out to my Mum (who I was very close to and loved very, very much, but did find it difficult to talk about anything too intimate with) and my less-close friends, and for me it has been a liberating experience. I’ve found that I’ve started to become a lot more “me” somehow, now that I no longer feel I have to “internalize” other people’s assumptions that I’m straight. I don’t act any differently, but I definitely feel differently about myself and am much happier with the picture of myself that I allow the outside world to see.

    I thought of being closeted as lying to those I loved and cared about, and although I’m not out to everyone at work, rumors spread around this company very fast, and so I know that they know (or at least suspect), and I’m happy with that. It’s difficult to like yourself when you consider yourself a liar.

    Back to my Mum: I’m very glad I came out to her in the end, because I feel now as though she knew the real me before she died suddenly three months ago. If I hadn’t told her, I think I would feel inconsolably guilty now. I would strongly urge anyone who is anything other than straight to come out to their family if they feel they should. If you lose someone, you may always regret not having been honest with them.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ceri, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Age : 27, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, 
    #38767

    John K.
    Member

    Many times, the reasons celebrities come out is to help the general public get to know that gay people really are everywhere. It seems that when people know gay people, they learn to be more accepting of gay issues. By coming out, the gay celebrity furthers that tendency. Then again, it may not be the celebrity who is causing his or her “outness” to be plastered all over the headlines. The celebrity may have made a simple statement at one time, and from that point on became known as a (or the) “gay celebrity.” Even if that celebrity never mentions the “gay” word again, every time that celebrity’s name is mentioned in the press, the press may feel compelled to add the “gay” label.

    User Detail :  

    Name : John K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 35, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Quality Assurance Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #26204

    Peggy
    Participant

    It isn’t easy to come out, so to speak. Most of my gay friends are open to a point because society says it isn’t appropriate. I usually have no relationships with anyone. But I am proud to say who and what I am. If you are ashamed of it, you need to get with it and find out who you are.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Peggy, Race : American Indian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 37, City : Yuba City, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Property Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, 
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