- May 10, 2004 at 12:00 am #3872
I’m only 16 but tend to not let my real self out. Not a single person I know actually knows what I’m really like. I also don’t tell anyone when I’m injured, which is bad because I’ve broken five bones but my friends only know about three of them. Why can’t I just tell people what I want to?
User Detail :Name : Sam R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 16, City : Melbourne, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, May 18, 2004 at 12:00 am #38521
If you are not telling people, you do not WANT to tell them in the first place. Why do your friends have to know about every bone that you have broken. Those things are unimportant. Nobody has to know anything UNLESS the information involves the people in a certain relationship or group. If the nature of the info concerns no one else but you, and all that worries you is that you cannot disclose your secrets as easily as your peers, then take pride. Why would you want your life to be an open book, a drama in which friends relish? Remember that ‘secrets’ spread fast, and that when you least expect it you will hear in the lunchroom something totally different from what you heard first. (I know friends are great at keeping secrets, but as well-intentioned as they are, sometimes they let the info slip to just ONE person. Of course, they love you and they make the person SWEAR not to tell a soul, which of course, they do. The process then repeats. You get my point). Continue to keep stuff to yourself if you do not feel comfortable otherwise. Buy a journal if you REALLY have to tell. Or even better, sign up at a really good pen pal service, and chatter all you want. I do both. Remember that keeping stuff to yourself is NORMAL, and that we all have different masks for different situations. YOu are not lying, you are just protecting your privacy, which is your inherent right as an individual.
User Detail :Name : Jane, Gender : F, Age : 20, City : L.A., State : CA Country : United States, May 19, 2004 at 12:00 am #22882
This is pretty common, especially when you are young. You are under a lot of pressure from your parents, from your peers, from what you think society expects. And it’s safe. If they don’t like you, you say, ‘well, they don’t know who I really am.’ But if you are brave, you drop the mask, and you will find out that what matters is that you like yourself. Then, when people like you, you will know they like the real you. It’s your choice.
User Detail :Name : Craig31902, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 40, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, June 9, 2004 at 12:00 am #42459
Sometimes I have had the same trouble. I think one reason why you may be having some trouble like you are is possibly because you don’t trust other people enough not to hurt you. Often times I have felt that if I really let people know what really hurts me that they will use it against me. Another possiblity I think is that you may not believe that if people know the real you that they will not like you. Believe it or not I think that people will like you for the real you. If they don’t do you really want them to be your friends. A question for you is: Why do you think you can’t tell people what you really feel? Take it from someone who sort of understands what you may be feeling please learn to let the real person out. Another question is have you read ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens’ book yet? If you haven’t why don’t you give it a try. Good Luck
User Detail :Name : David25916, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Yokohama, State : AK Country : Japan, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, June 27, 2004 at 12:00 am #43106
james b sunderlandMember
self esteem..Its low….try self hypnosys.for self esteem…..very effective..works for smoking wieght loss..setting goals and many other things—-good luck
User Detail :Name : james b sunderland, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 42, City : Springfield, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Hairstylist, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, July 14, 2004 at 12:00 am #28838
At your age it is natural to be shy, but shyness to the point of harm is too much. One of the hardest lessons to learn is how to acquire the ability to say ‘this is me. if you don’t like it, too bad, I really don’t need your opinion to justify myself.’ Also, I have found that people are much more likely to open themselves up to you if you open up to them. You might find you have alot of the same dreams and fears as others if you open up to them. The first steps are the hardest but they are worth it. You gotta give in order to get.
User Detail :Name : S28522, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 29, City : Central Florida, State : FL Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, September 13, 2004 at 12:00 am #15838
Hello, Sam. I’m not a doctor, etc., and so on, and no one can diagnose someone over the Internet. However, there is a very small possibility that you might be a member of an apparently rapidly growing population….those of us on the ‘autistic spectrum’. This includes not only autism, but Asperger Syndrome (such as myself) plus other lesser known syndromes. This is not the *only* possible explanation for your situation, but it is one of the many. You might be interested in looking into the ASSN, Asperger Syndrome Support network, which has a forum that I frequent. http://www.asperger.asn.au/ It’s based in Australia. By the way, in answer to the other respondent, if someone is on the spectrum, simply ‘having the courage’ to open up is not an option. Spectrum disorders are brain disorders…you can’t just overcome them by gritting your teeth.
User Detail :Name : Athena, Gender : F, Disability : Asperger Syndrome/autistic spectrum, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 53, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : computer analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, September 14, 2004 at 12:00 am #19176
There are a lot of reasons why you might be holding yourself in, including fear of rejection, but if you are avoiding medical treatment (or even just a little friendly pity) for serious injuries, the problem may be more than social. Would it be possible for you to see some kind of therapist? I realize that may sound like an unattractive option, but there are benefits. A psychologist cannot reject you in any way, no matter what you tell them. They can’t laugh at you, or look down on you. There are professional consequences if they do so. Also, a therapist is removed from your life. You never have to see them outside the office, you never have to go back and see them again if you don’t want to, and they have met every kind of person there is; nothing you say will shock or offend them. Maybe it would be easier to start revealing yourself to someone who has the traits I’ve just described, maybe not, but a little couch time might help you get a better handle on yourself and your emotions.
User Detail :Name : J-French21281, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : unemployed, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, September 21, 2004 at 12:00 am #32371
Five breaks in 16 years? How do you do it?
User Detail :Name : Vail24461, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : mutt, Religion : Atheist, Age : 40, City : Philly, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, November 24, 2004 at 12:00 am #41607
Don’t worry. No one knows who they are when they are sixteen. After you are done worrying about everyone else, you’ll worry about you and only then will you learn who you really are. Until then, be sure you are strong enough to resist things that will be harmful to your health and your being. You have a good head on your shoulders or you would’nt have taken the time to ask.
User Detail :Name : Cindy31943, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : Appleton, State : WI Country : United States, Occupation : Technology, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, November 25, 2004 at 12:00 am #23028
Sam, as a high school teacher for more than 30 years, I can assure you that you aren’t the only young person who has avoided sharing her ‘real’ self with others. My guess is that you are afraid to make yourself vulnerable to others by allowing them too much access to your feelings. Your sense is that if people know too much, they can somehow harm you with the information. Of course, that is a double-edged sword because if you never share anything, you can’t ask for, or hope for, the understanding, help, and/or support that you might need. I’m concerned by your reference to ‘broken bones.’ Are you not sharing this information because of HOW these injuries happened? If so, then you really MUST seek adult assistance. Do you have access to counselors or mental health professionals in your school or community? Those people are trained to offer guidance in such difficult situations. Don’t be afraid to go to them and tell them what’s going on! However, if you find that too scary, then you need to open up to someone whom you feel you can trust and ask for advice and help. Your friends can’t read your mind. If you need them, then you must tell them so. Most people really aren’t out to harm you, and they’d rather help if they can. If you are trying to protect others at the expense of your own well-being, you are making a mistake. You must take care of yourself!
User Detail :Name : Patricia F., Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 57, City : Louisville, State : CO Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, November 25, 2004 at 12:00 am #39570
You’re still very young, and have yet to even meet half the people you’re going to meet throughout the course of your life. Yes, people will almost always tell you it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but I say if they can’t accept the outside, forget it. What you see is what you get, if they don’t like it, they aren’t worth your while. To answer your question, you seem to have a very cat like personality, in this I mean I’ve had plenty of cats who when seriously injured would rather find a place to die alone, rather than burden anyone else with their problems. On that note, you may have gut feelings of selfishness upon telling others your problems, and sure, at the age of 16, your immediate peers may not take it seriously enough, or just try to top your problems. This is why we have families/counselors etc, they are there to listen to you. It may seem a little ackward coming out of your shell at first, like a sudden butterfly in the stomach sensation, it just simply takes time to get used to.
User Detail :Name : Joe, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 23, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : I.T., Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, January 11, 2005 at 12:00 am #44098
I used to be the same way when I was your age, and I still am to a large extent. I think much of it has to do with the fact that I don’t want people to think that I’m whining or trying to get sympathy from them. There are many girls that talk about their problems all the time in an attempt, it seems, to get attention from others – I just didn’t want to be like that so I held TOO much in.
User Detail :Name : Heather, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 31, City : Cleveland, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : Self-employed - Internet, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, May 18, 2005 at 12:00 am #37901
Maybe you’re just shy. This really isn’t a question to ask other people, you have to ask yourself why you’re not more open with people. You just opened up to the world (anyone with internet access could read this), try by writing a ciary first, then maybe, eventually, you’ll be more open with the people around you.
User Detail :Name : Roxi, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 18, City : Ottawa, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : student and musician, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,
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