Cross-dressing etiquette

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  • #4073

    Brad
    Member

    I am a heterosexual male with a cross-dressing interest. I’m going to go out for my first full cross-dressing experience at a pansexual bar in the near future. I’m wondering if I will have any chance of dancing with the lesbian or bisexual women there, or if they tend to snub cross-dressing men. I’m also wondering what the bathroom rules are. If I’m really trying to pass as a woman, is it OK to use the ladies restroom if I have too many drinks or need to touch up my makeup? I will be there with a female friend.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Brad, Gender : M, Age : 40, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, 
    #33170

    Jessica
    Member

    Dear Brad, You might dance with the women there; some of them might even find you cute; some of them will probably be offended. The point is that you will have a good time in a space that should give you the freedom to play a bit. Unless you pass perfectly, you will get very strong reactions from people. You can find groups of hetrosexual men, who continue to define as hetrosexual men, who cross dress. They are in my experience definitely men and you could find this a very safe place to play without being labeled as something you aren’t. The traditional transie wisdom on bathrooms is that you should not use the women’s room unless you are TS in transition and your ID says female. As a TV who defines as a man, that doesn’t do you much good. The practical reality is that you need a safe place to pee. The safest place is back home, or the unisex handicapped bathroom if there is one. The second safest place – for you – is the men’s room, provided that it is busy and mostly being used by gay men. Remember that can change in an instant, leaving you alone with someone who really, really doesn’t like you taking up space. The least safe place for you in the whole club is the women’s room. Your supportive friend may not see it that way, but consider – one phone call by one upset woman, or six lesbians who are very serious about women’s space, and you will be dealing with people who are very angry and do not quite see you as a person anymore. Do you really want to be taking a ride with the local gendarmes while wearing a dress? Playing with gender presentation can be cool and fun. I am worried I am scaring you away from it, which would be sad. Just keep your safety in mind. Think of all the women you have ever walked home. The minute you put on that dress, you are even more vulnerable than they are. I recommend Kate Bornstien’s Gender Workbook to you. BTW I am a postoperative transsexual woman who has had a great deal of cosmetic surgery as well. I never defined as a hetrosexual man, LOL, but I did spend a lot of years being seen by everyone as a boy in a dress. Jessica

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 35, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : software engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 
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