- October 12, 2000 at 12:00 am #11024
Should gays or lesbians try to change their sexual orientation? Are there any web sites with information about this?
User Detail :Name : Jenn W., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Presbyterian, Age : 18, City : Whittier, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, October 16, 2000 at 12:00 am #17941
If someone feels dissatisfied with their lifestyle for whatever reason, they should examine all the options that are available. If the individuals want to change, they should be allowed to do so, hindered by no one. Yes, there are web sites available for those who want to change. http://www.imaginethatministries.org is one site that is available. Exodus International is another group, although I don’t have their web site.
User Detail :Name : Ronald V., Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 47, City : Edmonton, State : NA Country : Canada, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, October 16, 2000 at 12:00 am #18121
People should not change sexual orientation, if they are comfortable with the way they are – whatever is natural for them. (I was brought up as a Presbyterian as well.)
User Detail :Name : Priscilla, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : Sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, October 16, 2000 at 12:00 am #23151
Speaking from both personal experience and years of research, one’s sexual orientation (whether gay or straight) is something one is born with and is therefore unchangeable. While we all have choices to make in terms of sexual behavior, ‘sexual orientation’ and ‘sexual behavior’ are different things. For instance, if I were not in a long-term, committed relationship, but instead had decided to be celibate, I would still have that basic attraction to members of my own sex, and that is what defines me as a gay man. It is something I cannot change, and even if I could, at 41 years of age I’d hate to have to relearn everything.
User Detail :Name : Chuck A., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 41, City : Spring Hill, State : WV Country : United States, Occupation : AIDS Educator/Part-time radio announcer, October 16, 2000 at 12:00 am #25748
Gays and lesbians will always be attracted to people of the same sex. Despite what the religious right may want us to believe, homosexuality is not a choice, and once it is there it cannot be undone. However, it is possible for gays and lesbians to become attracted to people of the opposite sex as well.
I was never happy being gay, not for religious reasons but because I wanted a family and kids, and I became quite depressed when my repeated attempts to stop being attracted to other men failed. But I did manage to condition myself to be attracted to women as well, and it was by no means easy. At first I had no interest in women, and now I have been in a relationship with a woman for seven months. When it became physical, I was nervous and awkward. But it didn’t take long for me to get used to it. Now I really enjoy the physical aspect of our relationship, and I find myself checking out other women, too. But I am also still attracted to men; I just don’t act on it. Gays and lesbians can never become heterosexual, but it is possible for them to become bisexual if the will is there. They can have meaningful, fulfilling relationships with members of the opposite sex, but the attraction to the same sex will never go away.
User Detail :Name : Robert, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Religion : Atheist, Age : 29, City : London, Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, October 16, 2000 at 12:00 am #34334
In my humble opinion, no. In my case, it would just be unnatural to do so, and I’m happy the way I am. My advice for people who are unhappy with the gay lifestyle, and there are many, is to reject the labels and stereotypes, in the same way you would refuse to conform to the heterosexual ‘norm.’ Be gay or queer or whatever, but do it your own way. A famous ‘ministry’ that aims to encourage gays and lesbians to change their orientation is at http://www.exodusnorthamerica.org/ A news story there is worth reading – Exodus recently had to discipline one of their leaders who was caught in a gay bar. The methods used by these groups are controversial, and Exodus is probably more famous for statements made by ‘ex-ex-gays’ about them than for any success in really changing sexual orientation.
User Detail :Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, October 17, 2000 at 12:00 am #24877
I personally cannot see why someone would want to change a part of who they are. Life is about understanding and accepting yourself and the world around you, and if you accept that homosexuality is a part of who you are and that you can’t change it, what need is there to try and change it? Of course, some people feel the need to change their sexuality because of the guilt and fear it causes them, often in the name of religion. But in my opinion, this usually results in someone pretending to be something they are not. I believe that true happiness will come only when one accepts who he or she is. However, Dr. Joseph Nicolosi PhD specializes in helping male homosexuals who want to change their sexuality, and according to him and his case studies, it can be done. He wrote a book called ‘Reparative Therapy For Male Homosexuality’ if you are interested in reading about it. I bought it when I realized I was gay because I hated my homosexuality so much, I was desperate to find out how NOT to be gay. I never read the book; soon after I bought it I accepted my sexuality and have not thought about the book since. Here are also some websites to check out: Homosexuals Anonymous: , Parents & Friends of Ex-Gays: , or the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality: .
User Detail :Name : Jay, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 24, City : Asheville, State : NC Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, October 17, 2000 at 12:00 am #33956
Why should we? It’s not possible to change your orientation. You’re born that way. So-called ‘reparative’ therapy has been thoroughly debunked — and is only kept alive by the religious right as a way to scare ignorant people into giving more money. Maybe your question should be ‘Should heterosexuals try to change their orientation?’ — given the high rates of unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and apparent inability to form lasting commitments (see divorce rates), not to mention bad fashion habits, wouldn’t you rather be gay?
User Detail :Name : Michael, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 39, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : E-Business Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, October 17, 2000 at 12:00 am #41483
If you are uncomfortable with how you feel, then you need to look for alternatives. If you want to break out, there is a web site titled http://www.anotherchanceministries.org This not only applies to homosexuality, but depression, or any struggle that you might have. Why do people have to be bound? Jesus came to set all of us free.
User Detail :Name : A-Valentine, Gender : M, City : Edmonton, Alberta, State : NA Country : Canada, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, October 17, 2000 at 12:00 am #44328
You’ve actually asked a couple of questions. 1) Can people change their sexual orientation? The answer is that the sex or sexes one is attracted to is innate and predetermined. Sexual orientation is a genetically and hormonally determined and God-given trait. People can control their behavior, but a person who is gay can never have a fulfilling romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex unless he or she is bisexual. Similarly, someone who is heterosexual can only be fulfilled emotionally and physically by a relationship with someone of a different sex. 2) Should gay people pretend to be hetero? Should hetero people try to make themselves gay? No, people should be themselves. 3) Web sites? A civil rights group, the Human Rights Campaign (www.hrc.org/) has links to information on the so-called ‘ex-gay groups’ that harm people by misleading them, lowering their self-esteem and inducing self-loathing, and failing to recognize the basic equality between gay and heterosexual romantic relationships. By the way, these groups have never succeeded in changing an individual’s orientation.
User Detail :Name : H., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : white Southerner, Religion : Methodist, Age : 25, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : statistician, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, October 19, 2000 at 12:00 am #20233
Jenn, it depends. If you believe in the Lord and believe what the Word says concerning this subject, yes, as it is a sin. If you don’t, it depends. Now, I can’t tell you what you should do… this is your choice to make, however I can set the record straight concerning some of the messages I have read: There is NO repeat NO scientific evidence pointing to homosexuality being a born trait. None. Sure, there are theories, however theories are guesses. There’s a theory that if one travels faster than the speed of light that he/she would experience time travel… can anyone claim this is true? All Christians are not part of the ‘religious right.’ This is just a term used to vilify anyone who disagrees with the major groups who believe that one is born a homosexual. For instance, I could very well be flamed here by those in this group for posting the truth to you. Sure, there are those who assault, belittle, and threaten others who indulge in the homosexual lifestyle claiming that God’s Word allows them to do this. They are wrong. I could share many verses with you about this, but this wasn’t your question… and I’m rambling. So, to answer your question, yes, there are many web sites that speak on this subject. If you like, I could e-mail them to you. Also, I could give you my extended thoughts on this subject, like why some men become angry at this subject, yet have no problem watching x-rated films with lesbians. Let me know.
User Detail :Name : Demetris Amos, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 35, City : Frederick, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 2 Years of College, October 21, 2000 at 12:00 am #46283
The head of Exodus Int’l (mentioned by Ronald above) was recently photographed in a gay bar where he admitted to another man that he was gay. He is supposed to be formerly-gay, converted to heterosexuality and married to a ‘former’ lesbian.
User Detail :Name : Rick29757, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Srpingfield, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, October 24, 2000 at 12:00 am #43956
Want to know moreMember
No one knows whether sexual orientation is genetic or learned. Some scientific studies have suggested it is genetic, but the correlations found in those tests were far from conclusive. If you ask parties on either side of this issue, they are going to give loaded answers that further their own political agendas. And your sexual orientation is not a political issue. The forces that are coercing you to identify yourself as ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ don’t have your best interests in mind, but their own.
So what is in your best interest? It is for you to decide what you are happy with, by asking yourself what you want out of the hand that life has dealt you. And it is a difficult hand indeed, because almost any choice you make is going to involve one kind of sacrifice or another. And it’s very hard to have it both ways and be faithful to any partner at the same time. I have chosen to live a straight life, with several male friends with whom I enjoy a limited degree of physical closeness, but a deep spiritual connection. I have found it is this connection which I long for in male companions, anyway. And we have ‘an understanding’ between us, because they are in the same boat I’m in. It’s a choice we’ve made, and truthfully, it’s no easier or harder than any of the others.
User Detail :Name : Want to know more, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Instructor, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, March 26, 2001 at 12:00 am #13959
People should also be aware that attempts to change sexual orientation can have negative effects. Most notably, the programs that try to make gay people become straight often encourage gay people to have sex with the opposite sex and get married. If a person gets married and has kids while he or she is still strongly attracted to the same sex, the problems are fairly predictable. Mom is hurt because dad is not into sex with her. Dad is frustrated because he likes guys. And little Timmy is really going to be shocked when dad gets arrested in a highway rest stop because that has become dad’s only sexual outlet. Not a good situation any way you look at it. The programs that purport to change orientation have adamantly refused to allow any sort of scientific testing of the efficacy of their programs. The programs also fail to distinguish between making bisexuals more attracted to the opposite gender and making exclusively gay people become attracted to the opposite gender, which are two very different things. Their claims should be viewed with extreme skepticism. I consider the claims that sexual orientation can be changed dangerous lies. Until there is good scientific data on so-called ex-gay programs I think they should be avoided. I would recommend any person who is considering joining one contact a professional counselor to help with the decision. If a person is concerned with their sexual orientation for religious reasons, I would suggest finding a counselor who respects your religious convictions (perhaps a counselor who is a person of faith) but who also has a realistic view of the scientific shortcomings of ex-gay programs. It may be better for a person who has a religious problem with his or her sexual orientation to seek help to live a celibate lifestyle rather than embarking on a quest to change.
User Detail :Name : Brian, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 35, City : New Orleans, State : LA Country : United States, Occupation : Lawyer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, April 28, 2002 at 12:00 am #43755
I disagree with many who have said that you can’t help being gay or lesbian. It IS a choice. If you meet any honest scientists, they’d most likely tell you there is no gay and lesbian gene. Ever thought how the world was made? By God, and He created male and female and intended them to become one when married.
User Detail :Name : Anonymous30249, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Christian, Age : 15, City : n/a, State : MS Country : Australia, Occupation : student,
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