Mark B.

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  • in reply to: Having hard time with gay co-workers #26576

    Mark B.
    Member

    First off, understand that I’m not excusing bad behavior by your gay co-workers; discussing sexual topics where co-workers can hear is inappropriate for gays or straights. Having said that, I would correct your first sentence to ‘… and I just WON’T relate to them.’ I would also suggest that if you are uneasy because they stare at you like you would stare at a woman, then you have the perfect opportunity to learn a little propriety. Why is it OK for you to stare at a woman? Do you assume that she’s happy to have you do that? What if she was feeling creepy about having you stare at her? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander apparently doesn’t apply in your world. Your statement about ‘…all of us were normal, and (one was) a gay guy…’ is blatantly bigoted. Substitute any ethnic term for gay, and you would find yourself in some deep trouble. My advice to you is to understand that people that aren’t just like you aren’t abnormal, they are just another part of the human spectrum. You have chosen to act and speak in a way that marginalizes gay men as being other than normal. Either live with the consequences or learn to modify your behavior. My best straight friends joke about gay sexuality with me, but they come from a level of comfort about who they are, who I am and they appreciate our differences.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: How do I know? #47717

    Mark B.
    Member

    I felt “different” even as a youngster, long before I knew anything about sex. I was always drawn to the boys, not the girls. I was pretty (quietly) sexually active with guys in high school, but then submitted to parental and peer pressure and married a woman at age 22. I divorced after 4 years, was celibate for the next 8, then came out at age 34. So, am I gay, straight or bisexual?

    I now identify as gay. I am comfortable with myself as a very out gay man. I feel complete. My wife was a good woman, but it just wasn’t within my abilities to be a dedicated husband, and it was a cruel mistake to have ever married. There isn’t any clarifying rule that determines your orientation; it’s who you are and only you can make the call. I certainly advise reading lots of books. Coming out stories can help give you a point of reference, and books such as Betty Berzon’s Setting Them Straight and perhaps Christian de la Huerta’s Coming Out Spiritually can help you deal with the likely questions you’ll have. Good luck on your journey!

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: Are all women secretly… #42136

    Mark B.
    Member

    I think it’s possible that you see more females (and males) being open about their sexuality, so it seems that “almost every woman now claims to be either a lesbian or bisexua.” Gays and lesbians have always existed, but have had to keep their true selves under wraps for fear of ignorant comments at best, outright physical violence at worst. That pall of fear is lifting, albeit slowly, so you see many more self-declaring other-than-straight people. Your statements give credence to the truth about orientation: It is an inborn characteristic, not a learned trait (either from watching TV or from lax school boards) that can’t be changed. Sure, physical impulses can be acted on to satisfy curiosity, but the core being of an individual can’t be changed to suit societal expectations. You are a straight woman, you have heterosexual sex and are perfectly comfortable with that, as you should be. Be proud that you have the freedom to be yourself without fear of discrimination!

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: Perceptions of Christians #13754

    Mark B.
    Member

    Part of the schism between Christians and non-Christians is the “us vs. them” attitude espoused by the well-known Christian leaders (Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, etc.). The 700 Club web site has stories of faith and love, but those are usually balanced out by stories and articles of prejudice and discrimination aimed at, for example, the gay and lesbian community. The g/l’s are targeted as being broken and sinful, while the g/l Christians are laughed off as misinformed at best, heretics at worst. Christians are expected, then, to by default be not broken and sinful, but we all know that cannot be. Only one person has ever managed that… I listen to the Christian radio stations here in Dallas and am amazed at how many of the advertising slots are filled by commercials from therapists, family counselors, chemical dependency centers, etc. So the much publicized rhetoric from Christian leaders helps to build this dichotomy, which ultimately creates division instead of building bridges.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: Asian students and public speaking class #36889

    Mark B.
    Member

    In today’s business world, open verbal communication, the give and take between individuals in teams, is a must. Those who remain silent are not seen as being part of the team and so can lose out on cameraderie, bonuses, raises and promotions. I work for a global company that offers courses in diversity, and I have been taught to be aware of the different ways people from varying cultures communicate. You are indeed being sensitive to the needs of your students by asking this question. Perhaps some one-on-one interaction with each of these students would be helpful. If you can determine whether their reticence is culturally based or personality based, you can start working with them to help them feel more comfortable with speaking in front of the class. If their career goal is to be in an office environment in a fast-paced, global company, their career advancement can very possibly be derailed by not being able to converse with and in front of groups.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: Sexual fluidity #41777

    Mark B.
    Member

    The movement from heterosexual to homosexual is more common, primarily due to the fact that it is common for gays/lesbians to hide their true sexuality in order to conform with family/religious/societal norms. So, the coming out process produces that visible movement from one end of the spectrum to the other. That said, I agree that sexuality is fluid. Imagine a sexuality scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being pure hetero and 10 being pure homo. You might visualize a bell curve to represent this scale. There are those who are 1’s or 10’s, but I think there are a lot more people somewhere between 1 and 10. That is part of the “fluidity” in sexuality. I know several bisexual people; one claims to be primarily straight, the other claims to be primarily gay. Both like to dabble in the other side of their sexuality, but don’t primarily reside there. I don’t even consider the “ex-gay” converts in this scale; their change is driven by outside (and in my opinion, damaging) influences, not by their true being.

    The pure #1’s I know are comfortable being around gays/lesbians because they are comfortable with their own heterosexuality and are therefore not threatened/intimidated by homosexuals. The bashers are probably more in the middle range of the curve and are scared and angered by the thought that they might be like the stereotypical gay images seen on TV (re: any Gay Pride Parade participant).

    I firmly feel that if more of the populace understood that sexuality isn’t always one or the other, and that there is lots of middle ground, the prejudice and bashing would start to diminish.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: Genetic Disposition for Sexual Orientation #40207

    Mark B.
    Member

    I used the Excite search engine to look up “Sexual Orientation, Genetic” and came up with a ton of articles. Good place to start.

    As far as the old canard about the cause being the absent father/overbearing mother: Forget it. There is no “in fact” to support it. If this were truly the cause of homosexuality, then our numbers would far exceed the much bandied about 10 percent. I had a strong father (military pilot) who was at home for the formative years of my life, and yet I’m gay. He wasn’t at home as much for my two older brothers, and one of them is gay. Go figure.

    Yes, the debate is still on as to the origins of homosexuality. Scientific studies have been published that lean toward genetics as the root; psychological studies have been definitive in the dubunking of the “mommy” factor. Time, and continued genetic research, will eventually tell. I hope I’m around to hear the answer that I’m already pretty sure of.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: What it’s like up there? #47674

    Mark B.
    Member

    I measure in at 6’3″, which is not overly tall, but it is tall enough to cause problems. My pant inseam needs to be 38″; that isn’t easy to find! I also need a sleeve length of 37″. So clothes are always a challenge. Finding a comfortable car isn’t easy, although the SUV craze has taken the size of vehicles dramatically upward. I like being able to see (and be seen) over a crowd. I can pack on a little extra weight and it isn’t so noticable since I’m vertically enhanced!

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    in reply to: How do you date another gay teen? #40268

    Mark B.
    Member

    A gay teen who lives in a smaller city doesn’t have access to a gay neighborhood like those found in Dallas, Houston, San Francisco, etc. Teens in Dallas can come to Oak Lawn, hang out at the coffee shop or any of the popular restaurants, or go dancing at The Village on 18-and-over night. In this way, they can meet other gays their age and start building a network of gay friends. Sometimes they run into people they know from school but didn’t know were gay! I’m not in the teenage range by a longshot, but I live in Oak Lawn and see the dynamics. I gather that the Internet plays a large part for teens, gay or straight.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
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