- April 23, 2000 at 12:00 am #9918
To kids: Why do kids feel they have to take their lives, and that they can’t turn to anyone? What would make someone take their own life? What kind of person can make someone feel so insignificant that they’ll take their own life?
User Detail :Name : J, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Catholic, City : Lara, State : CA Country : United States, April 25, 2000 at 12:00 am #26233
I’m a 14-year-old high school freshman and have been depresed for about two-and-a-half years. I have had suicidal thoughts for about two of them. I have attempted suicide once, but my parents came home and I was forced to stop. My plan was, and still is, to overdose on asprin. Frankly, it is hard to explain the feelings that are associated with depression, especially in teenagers. Often, as in my case, you loose touch with reality. My friends tell me that I have become ‘too sensitive.’ I alternate between crying and yelling, mainly because I do not know how else to express the pain that I am carrying around inside of me. I feel like a hopeless reculse who can’t do anything right. I think of suicide at least one time every hour of every day. Unfortunately, recognizing that there is something wrong with me and knowing that I need professional help is not enough to actually get it. It feels like am at the bottom of a very dark pit, and everyone else is living above me. The more I scream for help, the farther away they get. I’ve broken off from the word. I’m always tired, and I sleep as much as possible on weekends, just to escape the horror that has become my life. I’ve lost any pretense of a social life. I am slowly wasting away, becoming a body without a soul. I am rapidly becoming more desperate, and my thoughts of suicide become more frequent and elaborate. The way I see it, the world would be better of without people like me contaminating the gene pool. Yet, I am still afraid to as for help. Afaid that my peers will see me as even more strange than they already think I am, afraid that I might be hospitalized and be forced to quit school for a few months, which would ruin my chances to go to a good college, if I haven’t done that already. Perhaps, most of all, I am afraid that someone might actually listen.
User Detail :Name : Katie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 14, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, April 26, 2000 at 12:00 am #27104
Dear Katie, I was heartbroken when I read your posting. Why are you in distress? There is so much to life, of course life has its bad sides, but it also has its wonderful aspects, too. I do not know your pains and what you have gone through, but I do know that you are NOT in the worst position. You should not let you pains overwhelm you, please try and get control of your life. There is so much to this beautiful and sacred world, it really has a lot to offer. Please try and seek help, go to a compassionate school counselor who will relate to your pain and help you. Life is really sacred and should never be thrown away. You have so much to offer. If you think you have a rotten life, can you imagine how the hungry kids in Africa or Romania feel? Indulge yourself with positve things: flowers, candy, genuine laughter, good adventurous novels and good company. PLEASE SEEK HELP. TAKE CARE AND SMILE.
User Detail :Name : Ify, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 22, City : Miami, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 4 Years of College, April 26, 2000 at 12:00 am #33198
What’s causing your pain, Katie? If you can find out why you’re feeling this way, you can probably avoid/escape/reduce the pain short of dying, which can’t be fun. You can find out, I think, by talking to someone, and from introspection (which you will have to do when your head is clear enough to do so – not when you’re at the bottom of a depression.) I know that sounds improbable, but I have been able to find out why I was feeling depressed by naming the exact emotion I was feeling. Depression is an inchoate glob of feelings. Try to differentiate which ones. It’s a start. Talk to someone. The Internet is maybe the best bet right now. I found a young woman at work (I was then about 40) who listened to me and made a few comments that helped me in my solitary introspection to trace out my feelings. I hope and expect you will get lots of messages. There will be lots of claptrap, tripe and BS in them, but be careful to examine them all because there will be some help in them.
User Detail :Name : Jack H., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 68, City : Corte Madera, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : Retired, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, April 26, 2000 at 12:00 am #35619
Katie, here are three numbers you can call. All in San Diego. Please do so. I’ve been there, I know how hard and scary it is. Please be brave and ask for the help you need and deserve. Crisis Center: (619) 232-2753 Juvenile Crisis Program (619) 543-9850 National Youth Crisis Hotline (858) 292-5683. If they can’t help you, ask for a referral to someone who can. And keep asking.
User Detail :Name : Clio, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : educator, Education level : 4 Years of College, May 1, 2000 at 12:00 am #18197
Katie, in a place the size of San Diego, pick up the phone and call the suicide hotline and get help or call the closest mental health center. You need someone to talk to quickly, and medication will probably help. Also, for the long term, the fastest way to happiness is volunteering and helping other people. When you get past this crisis, think of something you do well (for example, you obviously read and write and think well), and find a way to help other people who cannot do what you can.
User Detail :Name : Leslie22892, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, City : Topeka, State : KS Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, May 1, 2000 at 12:00 am #31132
I had to respond to your query when I saw some of the incorrect information you were receiving. People commit suicide because they are suffering from an illness called depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that is an actual illness just like diabetes or cancer. The only thing that will help is medication and therapy. You cannot “will” this illness away by thinking how lucky you are to have what you do have. Usually people don’t ask for help when they need it the most because they are aren’t being themselves and are not thinking clearly or acting normally. If you know of somebody suffering from this illness, please see that they receive the help they need.
User Detail :Name : Peggy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : Bipolar Disorder, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 39, City : Ontario, State : NA Country : Canada, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, May 1, 2000 at 12:00 am #41553
To Ify: Talk about devaluing someone’s feelings! Should Katie feel better knowing she is only depressed and not starving or suffering some other fate? To her, her pain is just as real, just as devastating as anyone else’s, and to say, ‘Tut tut, come now, there are kids out there starving to death’ sure does dismiss what it is she is feeling. It sounds like your heart is in the right place, Ify, but what anyone who feels despair to such depths needs is someone to REALLY LISTEN and REALLY CARE in a way that they can understand and feel (in my opinion). Not being able to climb out of a big, dark hole is a pretty major life event, especially if you’ve ever been there. Comparing their pain to someone else’s does them no good and makes them feel insignificant (again, in my opinion). All the advice given Katie further up is good and valid information. And Katie, thanks for being so brutally honest. Take a chance and reach out … it might make a difference in your life.
User Detail :Name : Jammy D., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 39, City : Burke, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Financial Services, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, May 3, 2000 at 12:00 am #27474
They kill themselves because too often, there isn’t anyone to turn to. Many kids who commit suicide are too disturbed to have friends, and the ones who do, they can’t confide in them. Frankly, kids don’t care. Even if they did, I don’t think teenagers are wise enough and have enough life experience to tell a suicidal kid what he or she wants to hear. In lots of cases, parents are too wrapped up in their own lives to not only care, but to even notice their kids are falling apart. Psychiatrists? Please, their answers are always medication, medication, medication. Social workers? Their answers are always removal, removal, removal. From the home that is. They don’t want to talk to the kids and find out the problem. All loners have are themselves, and they gotta do what they gotta do.
User Detail :Name : Mickey M., Gender : M, Religion : Catholic, Age : 18, City : Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Longshoreman, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Upper middle class, May 3, 2000 at 12:00 am #27599
Many gay kids commit or attempt suicide because they are told that falling in love with someone of the same sex is evil, and yet that is how God has ‘wired’ them and they have no choice. The kids think they have no one to turn to because in many cases they actually don’t have anyone to turn to. Telling their parents (or minister or teacher or friends) what is going on often leads to ostracism, abandonment or violence. I knew from the age of eight that I liked other girls and that I could never ever let anyone know. For some reason, keeping some of the most important parts of myself a dreaded secret all through adolescence made me depressed, isolated and suicidal. Go figure. I cannot believe that a loving God would set an eight-year-old up for misery and abuse. If there were some all-powerful being that would do such a thing, then I could not call that being anything but evil. Things have improved, though – only 10 years ago many so-called Christians still publicly refused to condemn the murder of gays.
User Detail :Name : SW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 31, City : Berkeley, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, May 9, 2000 at 12:00 am #13813
The Sally Jessie Raphael website in its veiwers poll section once asked,’have you ever seriously ever considerd suicide’. 45% said yes. Thats nearly half the entire population. Children are exceptionly vunerable to abuse and exploitation. Sexual abusers go for kids because they can manipulate thiere minds easily. i.e Convince them their spose to do it, or its there fault their receiving it. I personnly think kids have less courage to stand up for them selves,and know how to fight back from abuse. i.e. how to go to the police about it. Just look what happend in the film ‘Once were Warriors’ or ‘Scum’. Children may feel suicidal when they feel trapped,and think they have no one who will beleive their story, or help them. A grumpy old man once hit me with a news paper once when I was 10, because I was in his way. He wouldent dare do that to me at 24 now.
User Detail :Name : Rob S., Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Poole, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, May 16, 2000 at 12:00 am #14940
Katie, personally I would tell my story over and over until someone listens, whether it be a medical doctor, mental therapists, family, friends or me. The pain you feel is not uncommon, but what is uncommon is the feeling that suicide is the only answer and acting upon it. At one time in my life, my world had gotten smaller and smaller. Just enough energy to pull myself from my bed to join the workforce each day, my responsible side. But when I arrived home the blinds remain closed and my separation from my friends and family became further and further. My depression disrupted my sleep, my eating habits changed and it caused me to gain weight rapidly, which sent me into a deeper state of depression. I was so low that when I reached up I touched bottom. My depression was caused by the death of my mother. I felt I no longer belonged to anyone. Prior to this I was vibrant and happy, with the usual bouts of depression we all experience, and knowing who I was yesterday and reflecting upon it while yearning for who I once was helped me to pull myself up and out. I came to terms with who I was prior to my mother’s death, and in a sense I was reborn. A new self. I spoke to anyone who would listen, and when I tired them I told another what plagued my heart and spirit. Whatever it is that is hindering your spirit, be it a chemical imbalance, an incident such as my mother’s death or the like (even the onset of your menstrual cycle can cause imbalances), how you perceive yourself, etc. there is definitely help. There is joy in life, but along with the joy there is unhappiness. There is someone to help you light your candle so you do not have to sit in the darkness anymore. I will listen.
User Detail :Name : Helen, Gender : F, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, June 7, 2000 at 12:00 am #15657
Katie, I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You seem to be intelligent, perceptive and eloquent (each of which would be a positive ‘contamination’ of the gene pool). I can’t really offer any advice for your situation, except to tell you about how I’ve dealt with (less extreme) depression in my life. I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten a little bit older and gotten the freedom that comes with it, that I’ve been a little happier, since I am able to choose my surroundings and the people around me (to some extent). I’m not suggesting that ‘waiting to get older’ is some sort of solution for you; I’m merely suggesting that it’s possible that you have something to look forward to rather than seemingly infinite depression. Plus, I’ve noticed with myself that my view of the world slowly, but steadily changes, as well as how I see myself and others. Something that has always made me feel a little better when depressed has been transferring my feelings to paper, because it is nonjudgmental and around when others don’t seem to be. It certainly couldn’t replace professional help, but maybe it’s a start for sorting out your feelings. Good luck.
User Detail :Name : Lisa22807, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 25, City : Raleigh, State : NC Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, June 17, 2000 at 12:00 am #38233
Many kids feel their problems are so bad that no one will understand and that no one will try and help them. If they are under a lot of stress they may feel the only way out is to take their life, almost like they are relieving someone. I don’t understand why people could do that, but I guess to people that don’t understand, that’s a good thing, meaning that our lives have never been that bad even when we may have thought that they were. That’s when you should thank your parents, friends and family for making your life enjoyble, and be thankful to God that you never had problems to the point where you wanted to end your life.
User Detail :Name : Meghan20748, Gender : F, City : Buffalo, State : NY Country : United States, June 17, 2000 at 12:00 am #45612
Katie: Your letter concerns me deeply. You state that you have been depressed for 2 1/2 years, but didn’t indicate why you are depressed. Your response also indicates that you don’t really want to take your life, but you are clearly asking for help. How can we help? Your young age and the length of time you admit to having been depressed and suicidal indicates some rather radical things going on in your life. Are you, perhaps, being sexually molested? Katie, we each get ‘messages’ from our families as we grow up. As a kid, my parents sent me messages that indicated I was pretty inferior. Through most of my childhood and teen years, into young adulthood, I didn’t think much of myself. However, as I grew older, I learned I had much to offer; there were skills I could offer others that might help them. Today, I feel pretty good about who I am, but it took years to overcome the negative messages I got from my family. Those messages are learned behaviors. In other words, what we can learn, we can unlearn. It just takes time and a willingness to fight back. Something I did that may help you is to seek out an Adult Children of Alcoholics Support group. It did me a world of good and taught me that it wasn’t just me. That’s very important. Go talk it out and learn that you aren’t a terrible person, you’ve just been given very bad messages. Lots of us care about you, Katie. Don’t throw away a precious gift. Death doesn’t solve problems; it never has and never will. Stay in touch.
User Detail :Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,
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