How do I know?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Mark B. 5 years ago.

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  • #8080

    Jack
    Member

    Recently I’ve been questioning my sexuality and I was wondering if someone could clarify for me how you know whether or not you’re straight, gay, or bisexual?

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jack, Gender : M, Age : 19, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : College Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #26471

    Thom-L
    Participant

    You ask a question that’s hard for me to answer because I always knew. For me, the key was who I wanted to spend time with, how I dreamed spending the rest of my life, and what really mattered to me. There’s only one correct answer: What is true for you. Don’t worry about what other people might think. You need honesty. Then whatever answer you come up with, you can be sure that it can guide you in making whatever decisions you face. And congratulations. While trying to answer big questions is tough – sometimes even miserable – you’re handling this one in the best way possible by trying to get information and looking for the truth!

    User Detail :  

    Name : Thom-L, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 56, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #30457

    Shawn
    Member

    Many people struggle with this question for their entire lives, and sadly, there is no simple way to answer it. My suggestion would be to “safely” explore your sexuality and do whatever feels comfortable for you. Don’t get hung up on the labels “gay,” “bi,” or “straight.” This is more about your hapiness than how you identify yourself. Some ways to do this would be to examine your friendships. Do you feel more comfortable among gay people or straight people? What kind of people are you attracted to? This is a personal matter that only you can explore. Hopefully, your friends will be there to support you, but at the same time, you can’t let them influence you. Above all, be careful about how you proceed. Exploring your sexuality doesn’t necessarily involve sleeping around.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Shawn, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 24, City : Fort Worth, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Aviation/Military Police, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #32380

    On Edge
    Participant

    It’s been my personal experience that orientation has nothing to do with activities and everything to do with attractions. From my earliest memories, I’ve let my natural attractions be my test. I remember being 7 or 8 and going through Sears catalogs, bypassing the bra ads and going straight (so to speak) for men’s underwear. I often wonder if we’re all naturally bisexual (some would say ‘omnisexual’). At 30, I’ve long been comfortable with being gay but for the past several years have noticed an attraction to a handful of women–not a sexual attraction, more of an emotional one. As mentioned by others, I feel the important thing it so not judge your emotions or attractions, just be open to whichever way the wind blows. But most of all, respect yourself and your partner. If you do decide to ‘test’ your orientation, might I suggest being as up front as possible. At the very least, don’t lead the person on.

    User Detail :  

    Name : On Edge, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : spiritualist, Age : 30, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : entrepreneur, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
    #47717

    Mark B.
    Member

    I felt “different” even as a youngster, long before I knew anything about sex. I was always drawn to the boys, not the girls. I was pretty (quietly) sexually active with guys in high school, but then submitted to parental and peer pressure and married a woman at age 22. I divorced after 4 years, was celibate for the next 8, then came out at age 34. So, am I gay, straight or bisexual?

    I now identify as gay. I am comfortable with myself as a very out gay man. I feel complete. My wife was a good woman, but it just wasn’t within my abilities to be a dedicated husband, and it was a cruel mistake to have ever married. There isn’t any clarifying rule that determines your orientation; it’s who you are and only you can make the call. I certainly advise reading lots of books. Coming out stories can help give you a point of reference, and books such as Betty Berzon’s Setting Them Straight and perhaps Christian de la Huerta’s Coming Out Spiritually can help you deal with the likely questions you’ll have. Good luck on your journey!

    User Detail :  

    Name : Mark B., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, Age : 39, City : Dallas, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Financial analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 
    #37839

    Jim
    Member

    Whether you’re religous or not, it’s obvious that homosexuality is unnatural. If you are a man, you should know that it is only right(in every sense of the word) to be with a woman. Please – do not be intimidated by women, like many ‘gay’ men are. Confront the situation head-on, and I’m sure you’ll come to realize that there is nothing in this world like being in love with a beautiful, loving woman. Or, you can give in to feelings of inferiority/intimidation/cowardness (some call it plain old sin), and come to the conclusion that you are gay. We all have a choice.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Jim, Gender : M, Age : 29, City : Bmt, State : TX Country : United States, 
    #33710

    Carrie32370
    Participant

    When it came time for me to figure this question out, I simply asked myself which gender I felt I could have a permanent, long-term relationship with. If you ask yourself this question, I’m sure that the answer will come to you. Sexual orientation really isn’t about “sex,” at least not to me. I agree with the person who advised against “labeling” yourself, because that in itself is restrictive.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Carrie32370, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 27, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #38379

    Ryan
    Member

    It is very normal to be curious, but the only way to know is to experiment with someone you trust. If there were no social stigmas against male-to-male sex, there would be a lot more going on. I know many so-called straight men who play around with their buddies. Also, be honest with yourself. If you are aroused by pictures in Playgirl or other similar magazines, then you are probably at least bisexual.

    User Detail :  

    Name : Ryan, Gender : M, Age : 26, City : Los Angeles, State : CA Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 
    #16460

    Hello Jack I have come across many with one sexuality or several and they don’t really have to wonder. Maybe they did at one time, and I know i did. But now I feel I am attracted to women much more than men. I don’t feel the need or desire to have a long or committed relationship, so sexuality doesn’t raise a problem there. While I have had relationships with women, I have never had anyting but one night stands with men, and I don’t wish to change that. Sexually, I find men satisfying, but women more so. Men are very easy to get, for me, and women are not, so I find it handy to have the option. At one time I would follow my strong desire to sleep with a man and then feel guilty afterwards. I have never felt guilty for sleeping with a woman. And I don’t feel pangs of guilt for sleeping with a man unless it was desperation that made me sleep with that man in particular. You have to follow instincts and desires, but try to enjoy yourself too. Sexuality can be a great thing, regardless of what yours is. Go for it! Matthew

    User Detail :  

    Name : Matthew Francis, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : erstwhile Catholic, Age : 34, City : Oxford, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Information Professional, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
    #46846

    I knew I was different when I was about 11-12 years old. I was always attracted to boys but it wasn’t until I was 27 years old that I accepted the fact that I’m gay and then it wasn’t until I was 29 that I came out to my mom and stepdad. They accepted the fact that I’m gay and have accepted my partner as if he’s their child.

    User Detail :  

    Name : DAVID MICHAEL PARRY, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 34, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Merchandiser, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, 
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